


Self-deception

by myownperfectbubble



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/F, Future Fic, Humor, Out of Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:16:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myownperfectbubble/pseuds/myownperfectbubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Santana love is messy and she will never go down that road again. Self-convincing/self-deception is easy when you a have a mantra, but what if one's heart starts to overpower one's mind?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blonde Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> I hope you all like it!

**Santana's POV**

She crawls towards me like I'm her prey; her messy short blonde hair makes my predator looks like a lion, scary-pretty lioness. The perfection of this creature infront of me is astonishing. How could someone be so perfect? She may not be the love of my life, but that doesn't mean I could not adore such flawless being.

Crawling towards me with all her glory and all I can do is wait for her to strike. Just one touch, a flesh to flesh contact and this prey will give in to submission. I wouldn't dare do anything to postpone whatever game she has in her mind, that smirk says it all. It will be a fantastic night.

After the whimpers, the moans, the scratches, the sweats that cause us to breathe hard I finally hear her breathe evenly; and that is my cue to escape this amazingly wild forest I am in. I am welcome to stay, to spend the night; but it wouldn't be good for us because every second I spend with her, every inch of her flesh I touch reminds me of a feeling I buried before.

Love was not in our book, atleast not for her. That was the condition we both agreed upon when this set-up started .This is all games for her, and I am here to play. I am her secret and she is mine.

Silently I extract myself from the limb that is pinning me on the bed. Gathering the pieces of my clothes that is scattered on the floor, I take a moment to look at the woman in her peaceful slumber. Just hours ago she was so wild and dangerous; but now the trace of her dottiness is gone. From where I stand she looks so fragile, that porcelain skin makes her seem delicate but offcourse that's all a façade. Beneath that angel look is an awe-inspiring and strong willed woman.

My hand is already on the knob of her bedroom door when I hear one syllable, one letter of the alphabet.  _"S"_ one magic word makes me turn around. This is very strange; my usual flight from her apartment is not interrupted by her; she would continue to lie down and pretend to be asleep if ever I have woken her up. I look at her like she grown two heads.

"It's 2am, your place is a long walk."  _Well thanks for stating the obvious._  I see her hazel eyes change its shade, it seem darker.

"Another round? You're insatiable Quinn" I will not say no to her but that doesn't mean I am not going to tease her about it. And seriously, she knows I am capable of going home anytime, I am already acquainted with the neighbourhood or the neighbourhood is already acquainted to me; So Quinn being concern of me going home this time put my mind in doubt.

"What if I say yes?"  _Did she just say… Bingo horny Quinn!_ That makes me smirk, this is a glorious night.

"It's 2am Quinn and you already stated that, my mind cannot process if that is a rhetorical question or not in this time of the night." Our verbal banter is our foreplay, then dirty talking and shouting, shouting of our names.

"You know for someone who graduated from an ivy league, you're pretty stupid. You can't even read between the lines."

"Maybe sometimes I want a straight out answer. Sometimes I like my food already served for me on the table, Instant noodles."  _Seriously, instant noodle?! How stupid can I be at 2am?_

"Well tonight, your food is not served on the table, it's on the bed. So are you going to eat…" she pause throw the sheets that are covering her, spread her legs. "Me or are you going home?"

In a few seconds all my clothes are again discarded on the floor, few minutes both of us are moaning, and then few minutes more we are both panting. To say that I am spent is an understatement; where does her energy come from?

I didn't wait for her to fall asleep when I dress up to go home, I have a lot of things to do and I need to go home. She stares at me all along, eyes every movement I make like she's seeing through me.

"So dinner with Glee kids tonight, same place, same time." She reminds me, like I could forget with Kurt texting every now and then.

"That's why I need to go home, I am on leave today and I have a visitor for tonight's dinner. She's arriving early so I need a sleep." I explain my reason of not staying.

"Brittany" there is a hint of jealousy in her voice when she say Britt's name. One thing I've learned from fucking Quinn for years is that she is very possessive. I don't love her, she doesn't love me, it's just sex. But  _somehow_  she claims me as her own. I say somehow because this blonde bitch is so fuckin' unpredictable.

"No she's not and it's a surprise." That will make her stop from asking.

"Fine, I'll see you at dinner then." she shrug her shoulders, turn away from me. _See unpredictable._ With that I sigh and left her apartment.

* * *

QSQSQSQSQS

A body is pressing me against my bed, there is an activity going on my neck. Suck, lick and nip made me moan. A hand roaming under my shirt. At first I thought I am dreaming but when I smell a familiar lavender scent, I quickly open my eyes and push the girl that is straddling me.

"Quinn, what the hell?!" She have my spare key so I am not surprise to see her in my apartment, I sit up and look at the giggling blonde beside me.  _She thinks this is funny?!_

"Good  _moaning_ to you too Santana!" she's having too much fun with this.

"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here." I say with a little panic in my voice. I glance at my clock, I have ample time to prepare and get Quinn out of my apartment.

"I came to see your friend; I thought she would be here by now. But when I got here I was welcomed by a half-naked Latina on her bed and I can't help myself." She says with a smirk.

"Why is it important for you to know who my visitor is?" this is very intriguing.

"Because I know your visitor is Brittany and I just want to say hello before I go to work."

"I told you my visitor is not Brittany, Brittany will join us for dinner next month and she is with her boyfriend trouty mouth."  _Why is she insisting its Brittany?_ There's something in her eyes I can't explain, like something she needs to tell me.

"You don't know yet?" I don't know why that sounds like an affirmation of something she is thinking or it's just pure innocent question.

"Don't know what Quinn?" it's too freakin' early for mind reading.  _This is irritating me._ Her mouth made a letter O, fist clench like she's debating on telling me a very important information. But then she stands up and start walking out of my room. "Where are you going?"

"Work hour starts at 30, I'll see you at dinner" she says hurriedly living me confused, not to mention high and dry.


	2. Nosy Dwarf

**Santana's POV**

After Quinn left I take a long and cold shower, eat my breakfast and wait for my visitor. A few minutes later, I hear a knock from my door.

"You know we live in the same city and dinner will start tonight, so why do you have the need to want to spend the whole day with me?"

"Is that how you welcome a visitor?" she retorts.

"Well, Rachel it is nice of you to visit me in my humble home so could you just fuckin' answer my previous question, of you wanting to spend the whole day with me because you know I can't stand being around you for a long time."

"The high school Santana can't stand my awesomeness, but this Santana infront of me is otherwise." Well that maybe true, but still I smell something fishy.

"Come on cut the crap dwarf, tell me the reason why are you here?" I may have tolerated the existence of the glee kids in my life, but that doesn't mean I'll stop calling them names.

"I want us to have a talk. C-can you sit down?" I am taken aback from the shift of Rachel's tone. This must be really serious. I take my sit without a word and wait for Rachel to continue. "It's about Brittany. Sam and her they.."

"Broke up" I interrupted her putting the pieces all together.

"How d'you know?" Her eyes wide in shock and confusion.

"You know it's easier to connect the dots if it's not so early in the morning and I have already taken a sip of my coffee."

"What?!"

"Well, looking back these past few days, everyone seems really nice and concerned. Like Kurt keep on reminding me of the dinner tonight that my presence will really make him happy, Blaine stop by my office with a bouquet of flowers and a big smiley balloon like I'm sick or anything, Puck sent me a big jar of nuttella which he knows I only eat when I'm upset, you keep on insisting of spending the day with me before our monthly dinner, and Quinn and I spent a lot of hours last night… catching up. That's really thoughtful but you all don't have to take care of me. I am not the one who broke up with my boyfriend."

"We know that, but it's Brittany, your bestfriend and ex-girlfriend who you still love and knowing…"

"Woah. Slowdown. Rewind. Still love? What makes you believe that I still love Britt?" This isn't making sense, So all this time they think I'm still inlove with Britt.

"Well, you were a mess when you two broke up, like total mess and when was the last time you have serious relationship? When was the last time you ever have a relationship?" she explains to me nervously, she is waiting for me to respond, but I just stare at her waiting for her to continue. I need more elaborate explanation as to why they conclude such thing. "She is the last girl we know you been with and we know that even though you still love her, you also want her to be happy and you know she is…  _was_  happy with Sam."

Rachel might be right about that; Britt was my last serious relationship; I never entered into one after because I feel that I have offered too much but gained so little, and I don't want to ever feel that way again. Maybe I was the one who broke up with Britt, but she was the one who easily thrown away what we have in just a blink of an eye. But I know Sam and I know he's gonna take good care of Britt, and seeing the love in both of their eyes I was happy for them.

"Okay, the break up news is upsetting, seriously, get a grip people, it's been what? 7 years since the break-up, has it ever occurred to you all that I have moved on. And the balloons, the flowers, nuttella, concerns are really sweet but it's overrated. For the record, Britt will always be important to me but I don't love her the way I used to. And I don't need a relationship when I have someone who can warm up my bed. "  _Shit did I just say…_ I face palm myself with the realization of the mistake I made.

"Oh? Someone." She repeats my word with a very devious smile. I can feel a nosy dwarf coming out of her cave.

"Right." I confirmed, there's no need on denying it.

"So.."

"No we are not talking about my sex life Berry. I may have accepted you as a friend and see you as one of my ally, but my sex life is something we will not chit-chat and bond into." I say with conviction

"Why not?" When Nosy Rachel is out there's just no stopping her.

"Because there are certain things I want to limit in our friendship and that is it."

"And who would you be willing to talk about this certain predicament? How about Noah does he know?"

"Predicament? Are you serious right now?! Puck doesn't know and Berry, why don't we talk about other things rather than my so called predicament. "It'll _be a long day before dinner._ I don't think Rachel will make it alive by that time.

"How about Quinn?"

"Enough." I say strongly.  _Oh no we are not going to talk about Quinn and my "predicament" in one conversation._ I'm afraid I might slip up and of all people I am not going to reveal it all to this freakin' dwarf.

"No, I am curious as to who you sleep with. You said "someone", that means you weren't sleeping around with everyone but only one."

"You are not being curious Berry; you are being your usual self which is being NOSY. I am not sleeping around with everyone because I left that part of me in high school. I've grown up and matured, but that doesn't mean I can't play around."

"That's a little bit confusing." She says taking in my words. Thinking about it, my relationship with Quinn is confusing. We don't talk about our feelings and in what kind of relationship we have. I never really thought of it until now. The look in my eyes says it all, Rachel must have read it. "So she's complicated and you don't know where you stand in her life, don't you?"

"I don't love her, she doesn't love me. It's just sex"

"Well I could have believe you if I am not seeing that pain in your eyes." What the f*ck. Who is she to tell me I'm in pain. That's the truth we're just two people sharing bed every now and then.

"Oh my god, you're oblivious to your own feelings."

"No. Don't put things into my mind Rachel. I don't love her, she doesn't love me. It's just sex. Alright?!" I love Quinn but I am not inlove with her. There's a big difference between the two. And who does this midget think she is telling me what I am supposed to feel.

"You keep saying that. Is that a mantra or something to keep you from falling?"

"Shut up Berry. " I can't take it anymore and I jump at Berry covering her mouth with my hands, when I hear my door open. Quinn is at the door with her mouth open in shock, which made me realize I am in an awkward position with Berry underneath me. Where Quinn is standing she may assume that I am straddling the dwarf I am holding.  _Shit._

"I'm sorry, have I interrupted something? "Scary _-Quinn._  She looks furious in a second but then maybe I am just imagining it cause I see her smirk in a millisecond.

"No, I'm just making Berry shut up because she's becoming intolerable." I say defensively.

"And you're making her shut up by straddling her?"

"Oh God Quinn. It may have seemed that we are in a very intimate position but it is not what you think. I am very inexperience with the girl to girl activity Santana is very accustomed to and besides I will never cheat on my boyfriend Brody. Santana is just being a lunatic and you are just in time to save me from being murdered." Ugh, Rachel and her choice of words. Girl to girl activity, seriously?!

"What are you doing here, I thought you're at work?" I ask Quinn curiously.

"There isn't too much work in the office and I decided to take the day off. Rachel, I am not expecting you to be this early." She's not the one to take an off day from work for a booty call.

"Well, I was a bit worried about the Brittany thing which turns out that…"

"Berry, thought that Britt's situation will affect me, but I have assured her that it does not affect me at all. And all of you are just over acting. Why do you all have to do that? Like you need to protect me like I am some fragile object. I am Santana Lopez, I am a badass! I don't need protection." That is what I need to say so I can change the direction of the conversation. Quinn, don't need to know I slip a little information about my "predicament" to Rachel. She will kill me or worst will deprive me from sex in a few days or weeks. That would be awful.

"So you told her?" Quinn asks our midget friend.

"Yes she told me and you should have all told me the second you knew what happened with Britt. She's the only one brave enough to tell me what happened which doesn't really affect me at all."

"Doesn't affect you?" why do I really have to explain my feelings to everyone.

"What do you think? I'll get the first flight to California and nurse Britt's heart. Stay with her until she moved on from her break up?"

"Yes." Quinn answers me like it's a no brainer question which annoys me.

"Oh God. She's my ex-girlfriend and my best friend, but we are not the same Santana and Brittany "link pinkies" anymore. I stop being the hero for Britt, she's old enough to handle her life and give her a little credit. She's a strong person and she doesn't need me in her life anymore. Give me more credit!"

"Rachel get out. We'll see you at dinner." Quinn commands.

"What?!" Rachel and I say in unison.

"I need to talk to Santana. I don't need you here. We'll see you at dinner." Quinn says in affirmation.

"Are you sure?" It was a more of a question to me than to Quinn. Berry look at me like asking me to make her stay. I am confused as well. I don't know what Quinn is thinking. What I said to make her this furious.

"YES." Oh God Scary Quinn. I don't deserve this.

"o-kay see at dinner." With that Rachel hurriedly left my apartment like she don't want to see Quinn's wrath.

"What's going on Quinn?" I asks, testing the waters.

"You cook lunch, I'll prepare some dessert. Then after lunch we'll watch some crappy series you like to watch."

* * *

QSQSQSQSQSQ

"You can't be alone." Quinn says out of nowhere while we are watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You can't be alone because when you're alone, you'll think of Britt and how you want to be a hero for her again. And you'll fly out to Cali to nurse her broken heart."

"I just told you I wouldn't do that." I am getting tired of this conversation.

"You can't be alone. I'll stay with you the whole weekend and we'll come up with something for weekdays."

"But why?" I am not going to do anything stupid, they should know better.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ALONE." She reaches for my hands and squeezes it, I look in to her eyes and I am lost in the tenderness I see. It's like I am seeing her for the first time, it's like I unmasked her and the woman infront of me is the real Quinn Fabray.

"okay" and that's all it takes for me to kiss her. I feel a shift in this situation we are in.  _Rachel Berry what did you put into my mind?!_


	3. Girl Chang's Diva Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Santana love is messy and she will never go down that road again. Self-convincing/self-deception is easy when you a have a mantra, but what if one's heart starts to overpower one's mind?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing.
> 
> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> I hope you all like it!

**Santana's POV**

"Can we not go to the dinner tonight?" I asked Quinn while we're preparing for our monthly get-together with the glee kids. Quinn was infront of my vanity mirror applying her makeup; I was pacing at her back.

"Why? We only see them once a month and Kurt said he has something important to say, so I guess that means our presence is a must." She said rolling her eyes.

"It's about Britt, that I already know. They'll be all asking me how I feel about that and stuff and I had enough of that for the day. Can we just stay in?" I stopped pacing and sat at her lap. "We could… um… you know… do it all night." I said persuading her.

She holds my chin and I leaned forward, she still has her hand on my chin so I can't advance any further, but our lips are just millimetres away. I can feel and taste her breath from our position. "Nice try" she said while pushing me off of her. "You know this Britt thing is making you conceited. Kurt has something important to say to all of us not just to you. And tell you what if we go tonight I'll make you do whatever you want with me when we go home." With that she spun around and took off to the living room with me following her suit, but before she reached the door out of my apartment I tugged her wrist and pulled her towards me.

"Why would I wait for later? When I can do you right here, right now." I whispered in her ears, my right hand roaming from her neck, to her shoulder down to her forearm.

"Well because I won't let you." She wiggled her wrist to be free from my hold. "Sex crave much?!"

"I was actually persuading you to stay in for the night and the only thing I think of is offering you my body. The dwarf had been too much for me for the day. My battery for such a creature only last for a few hours, and much less if it's just the two of us. She drained me and you should congratulate me for not killing her today." I explained to her like a little child on the verge of throwing a tantrum.

"You almost killed her S, you were already strangling her when I came in. Remember?!" What I actually remember was Quinn's face when she thought the dwarf and I are doing something dirty. _It was priceless._

"Oh come on! I was just threatening her and you know what I should have killed her so that I'll be in the newspapers tomorrow, I would be sensational for killing a mythical creature."  _why haven't I thought about that before maybe I can poison that dwarf tonight if I'll go to dinner._

"Stop being funny and irritating at the same time." She tried to hide her smile and masked it with annoyance but failed miserably.  _She's cute sometimes. Argh! Quinn Fabray, the HBIC? Cute?_ I think I need to have a drink.

"You know what? I change my mind let's go meet the losers and if anyone gives me one sympathetic glance I'll cut a bitch."

"That's my girl! Welcome back! I thought I lost you today." She said proudly while hugging me.

"But you need to keep the end of the bargain, the one where I can make my way with you!"  _I'm just making sure everything is clear._

"You're such a perv!" she said and hit my arm. "Let's go now we're running late."

* * *

QSQSQSQS

We came in a few minutes late; Rachel must have told them that I took the news very well and may have warned them to not bring it up the whole night, that's why they were all behaving well when we arrived. We were in our monthly rendezvous, Apple Rose Grille, the owner Alex Santiago is a good friend of Blaine's, he reserves the second floor for the glee kids every third Friday of the month. I never expected that New York will be my second home; much more for the glee kids being my second family.

On my first year in college at Columbia University, I thought I would never bump into the glee kids again, and it was fine by me, I was ready to leave behind everything that concerns Ohio. But when I broke up with Brittany and made a mess out of my life, Quinn took care of me. She travels from New Haven to New York every now and then, to make sure I'm doing fine from my studies to my social life. She would drag me to spend the weekends with Kurt and Rachel. Then in our Second year in college Blaine came into my life, He's a little conservative and living in with Kurt while still in college is a big thing for him, he decided to have a place of his own. And that's where I came in; New York apartments are quite expensive for a college student but luckily I was fortunate enough to have wealthy parents. I have an apartment big enough for two; he needed one so I took him in. At first he was hesitant to accept my offer, but Quinn was there to convince him saying that I needed someone to be around with. From then on we became good friend, he is an awesome guy, knows how to cook, organized and a total gentleman. And because Warbler is my housemate, my college life does not only consist of an ice queen, but also a midget and a porcelain-face. Puck, Tina and Mike lives in the same city after college. Blaine decided it was about time for a big step in their relationship and left me to live with Kurt, Rachel moved in with Brody, Quinn left new haven and found an apartment near my place which is also near her work. Puck started a band and plays around the city; Tina is an accountant in a big auditing firm; while Mike is a choreographer of an artist, he sometimes work with Brittany, so he flies to California every so often, other glee kids' visits every now and then. Like tonight Finn is here because Kurt said he has something important to say.

The dessert was done and we were just chatting and drinking our wine, Finn was telling us about the upcoming sectional his glee kids will compete, he's practically continuing what Mr. Schuester started and we couldn't be happier for that. Puck is at my left side impatiently waiting for the announcement because a hot chick is waiting at his place, we share the same sentiment.  _When will this be over? So Quinn and I can start our weekend._ Yay for weekends with a sexy blonde!

"I have something to announce!" Kurt said with enthusiasm.

"This must be really important porcelain because that's the only reason I am here." I countered.

"Santana!" Quinn hissed at me. "Kurt go on, I am sorry about my pet dog, she keeps barking on people, I don't know what to do with her." She said apologetically to Kurt then glared at me.

"Okay, So I just want everyone to know that Blaine proposed! WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!" With that everyone stood up to congratulate the newly engaged couple.

"Warbler, come give me a hug" I said while approaching my ex-housemate. He hugs with teary eyes, after the shared hug; I hold his cheeks in both of my hands, this guy he's like a little brother that I didn't have and now his getting married. "Are you really sure about this? because you know you can still back out." His eyes grew in shock and I laughed. "I was only kidding, I know you made a right decision, I'm so proud of you!"

"Thank you Tana! That means a lot to me."

After the hugs and crying happy tears it was time for the real night to start. We were saying goodbye to everyone when Tina came out of nowhere, hugged Quinn and started crying. Tina and Mike are having issues for months now; this was not a secret to all especially when you have a nosy dwarf and gossipy Kurt in the group. Tina and Mike are having commitment problems, Mike was neglecting Tina because he was always on tours or in California and they've been fighting a lot when he's here.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked and patted Tina's back trying to calm her down.

"Can I stay at you're place Quinn? I just need a place to crash just for tonight."  _What?!_   _Say NO.. NO…_

"Offcourse, you're always welcome at my place." Quinn gave in without thinking twice.  _FUCK MY LIFE!_  I glared at Mike trying to make him man up and talk Tina out of this.

"Tina, you don't have to do this. " Mike said.  _That's right Chang, reason out with her, apologize do whatever you have to do because my night would be destroyed if you're just being your coward self. "_ Let's talk about this Tina; you don't have to bother Quinn."  _Damn right you are!_

"No! I just wanna have a night off to clear out my thoughts. I'm getting tired of this Michael Robert Chang! Leave me alone tonight, I'll come home tomorrow." With that Tina stormed out of Apple Rose, Quinn followed her immediately.

"Are you not going after her?" I asked Mike angrily.

"She needs her space and I am just giving it to her." he said scratching his head.

"Whatever."  _Stupid Chang-chang._

_So I guess that means my life is over._

* * *

QSQSQSQSQS

I arrived at Quinn's place with 2 pints of ben and jerry's, Tina loves ice cream when she's upset. I went straight to the Kitchen to get some spoons, Tina was still crying when I entered Quinn's living room. I shoved the strawberry flavoured ice cream to Tina, and handed the chocolate one's to Quinn and sit beside her, Quinn smiled at me apologetically.  _That's right, be sorry bitch!_  A few minutes later Tina was calming down.

"We've been together since high school; we've known each other like forever. We've been through a lot and now I think we're falling apart. After college, it's as if we're stuck, our relationship stayed the same, and He goes on tours, back here, goes to Cali, and back here. Our relationship isn't growing, it not progressing and I think I had enough." Tina vented out.

"Tina, you're just mad, I know it's hard to be left alone every now and then, but I also know that is hard for Mike to leave you behind. He's doing this for your future." Quinn consoled her.

"I don't think he wants to marry me." Tina said her eyes on her lap, like she was shy of saying such thing.

"How do you say so?" Quinn probed reaching out for Tina's hand.

"Why else hasn't he proposed?" Tina blurted out. With that I laughed at loud.  _Oh god women._  Quinn released Tina's hand and elbowed me.

"Owwww… What?! That's funny you're mopping here because you just got jealous of Kurt and Blaine's proposal? Seriously?!"  _Girl Chang destroyed my night because she just wants to throw a fit?!_

"Hush Santana! You could have said that in a different approach!" Quinn scolded at me, and then faced Tina again. "Tina, you do realize you're being ridiculous right?!"

This is like senior year again before Nationals, when girl Chang stormed out of the choir room because she was furious of Rachel having yet again her solo. It was her " _diva moment"_ , and now the diva in her has risen again and ruined my supposed to be gratifying night.  _Bitch!_

"It's not like that." She retorted.

"Well, please make it clear to us girl Chang because if you're just summoning Rachel Berry in you, you have another thing coming."

"I… M-m-m-ike… um.."

"Come on Tina we all know you were only faking your stutters back in freshmen! Answer me or I swear to your Buddha you won't be alive when Mike Chang decides to propose to you!" and Auntie Snix has arrived.

"Okay… okay.. I got jealous! Aside from Kurt and Blaine, Mike and I have the oldest relationship in the group. I was expecting to have the first wedding amongst the glee, considering Rachel and Finn's did not push through, and Brittany and Sam's was fake. It's taking too long." She said guiltily.

There was a moment of silence; we were contemplating on the day's event.  _God I'm so tired!_

"We haven't really grown old with the glee drama aren't we?!" I said with a long sigh.

"I'm sorry."  _Apology not accepted girl Chang!_

"Well you should be!" I said with gritted teeth.

"It's alright Tina; you must be exhausted now, especially when a bitch like Tana interrogated you. You can rest in my room I'll follow later." Quinn said sympathetically to Tina.

When the culprit disappeared, I faced Quinn and glared at her. I am too frustrated to calm down.

"What?!" She deadpanned.

"Seriously?! You're asking me now? You're always acting like I'm the bad guy here. That girl threw tantrums on us, wasted our night and now she's gonna sleep IN your room and I'll be in the guest room miserable." I ranted.

"We'll kudos for extracting the truth out of Tina, and I'm not saying you're the bad guy here, but you could have atleast tried a different approach. And I'm sorry about the room thing; it's just one night Tana. Let me make it up to you, come here." She gestured me to sit on her lap, which I gladly comply. All anger faded away, I leaned in and kissed her, it was a rough kiss, I was too frustrated to be gentle, she kissed back and our tongue fought for dominance. She gave in knowing I needed this, I entered her mouth exploring every corner, and she sucked my tongue. I moaned with pleasure, there were less contact so I snaked my hand around her neck and my other hand in her short blonde hair, tangled my fingers to its strands, her arms wrapped around my waist so I won't fall down. A few seconds later I felt her hand going under my shirt, we both moaned with the skin to skin contact. I wanted more; I shifted my weight so I can kiss her collarbone licked my way up to her throat, the pulse on her delicious neck, to her jaw and to her left ear.

"God, Quinn, you don't know what I want to do to you right now." She opened her eyes with my words and I see is lust. We look at each other, our eyes conversing in silence.  _Quinn Fabray you'll be the death of me._

"QUINN AREN'T YOU SLEEPING YET?!" Tina Shouted from the bed.

"Fucking cock block!" I said a little exasperated; I pulled away from Quinn and sat down on the couch to calm my breathing while she giggled.

"Good Night S!" She kissed my forehead and disappeared in her room.

It took me a few minutes to calm my nerves, and then I saw my blinking phone on the coffee table, I took it and saw an unregistered number, it must be something important if it's a call made this late.

"Hello?" I answered with hesitation.

"Sanny, is that you?" Only one person calls me by such name. It's been too long since I heard her call me that. A lump was building up in my throat; I was suddenly attack by vertigo.

"Britt!" I choked out.

_And everything became a blur._


	4. Panda at Large

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Santana love is messy and she will never go down that road again. Self-convincing/self-deception is easy when you a have a mantra, but what if one's heart starts to overpower one's mind?!

**Santana's POV**

"Sanny" Brittany repeated my name; her voice sounds so weak and distant. Then the line was cut.

"No! " I called after her as if she would hear my plea. There's heaviness in my chest that is making me hard to breathe. She called me, she needs me.

"Santana" I heard my name and footsteps from a distance. "Santana" I heard it again but now it's a little louder. "Santana wake up!" with that I opened my eyes and saw Quinn sitting on the coffee table infront of me, her face etched with concern.

"Not again Q! That's two days in a row. What time is it?" I sit up from the couch groaning. I must have fallen asleep in the couch last night because of exhaustion.

"It's only 7am I didn't want to wake you up, but you were shouting, you must be having a bad dream." Right the call from Brittany, I reached out for my phone and checked it, it was there an unregistered number, a confirmation of last night's call. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding, a relief.  _It wasn't a dream._

I don't remember what happened after the call, I passed out and fell asleep, I guess. My backache for sleeping on the couch, I stretched my limbs to release some pain but it didn't work. Quinn must have sense my discomfort and sat on the couch behind me and massages my aching back. "I told you to sleep in the guest room Tana. Feeling any better?" I closed my eyes and tilted my head backwards; this woman knows how to use her hands so well.

"Awwww.. You two looks like an old married couple! Too cute!" I snapped my eyes open remembering that there's an unwanted guest in Quinn's apartment.

"Atleast we categorized in the " _MARRIED"_ department, unlike other couple I know." I said glaring at the girl who ruined my night. Hearing my words, Tina was almost in tears in seconds.  _Not again!_

"Tina, you know better than to tease a grumpy Latina in the morning!" Quinn defended me; I thought she's going to hush me off from pissing girl Chang, but maybe a sex-deprived Quinn is on my advantage sometimes. I stick my tongue out to irate Tina more.  _TRUIMPH!_  "Tina, can you help me for breakfast, you make the pancakes, and I'll cook the bacon." Quinn requested.

"Sure, where do you put your pancake mix?" Tina asked walking straight to the kitchen.

"Above the fridge, the one with the purple container. I'll follow you in a few." When Tina was out sight Quinn hugged me from behind, her chin rested on my shoulder. "Good morning Grumpy! Sorry about last night, try to rest some more." She tightened her hug while apologizing, after a few seconds she stood up kiss my forehead and started heading to the kitchen. I leaned on the couch and watched her fine ass sway its way to the kitchen.  _Oh God it's too early to be hot and bothered._

Britt called me last night, a call which took only for a few seconds, it worries me how she sounds so weak, sad and lonely. Brittany the girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows, Jolly old Britt, she seemed bereft. I looked down at the phone in my hands, does the call means she needs me? Thinking about it, I haven't really known the story of why Britt and Sam broke up. Should I call her to ask? Just a tap of my finger and I would know everything, easy as ABC, but can't I do it? What am I afraid of? And I call myself a badass. I'm so lame sometimes.

"Are you alright Tana?" I looked up to see Quinn infront of me, I didn't saw her coming. Should I tell her? Britt is both our friend and she can help me right?!  _Damn internal monologues._ "Tana" Quinn called me out from my reverie.

"It's… umm… It's Britt she called me last night." I struggled for my words, but I have to let it out, if there's one person I can talk to about my battles its Quinn Fabray. Vulnerability is calling me and today I will throw a white hanky for my surrender.

"Oh… What did she say?" While I'm putting down my walls, Quinn is ironically building up one. Her question was with concern, but the glint of her eyes said a million things. Like I said she's is so unpredictable, right now where only a few meters away but she feels so distant.

"Just my name "I said matter-of-factly.

"Just your name?" She quirked an eyebrow, assessing if I was telling the truth.

"Yeah, and then the call ended."

"Did you call her back?" she inquired further.

"No. Should I have? Do I need to call her back? Why do you think she called me? Do you think she needs me? What do you think the call means?" I was rambling; I don't know what to do.

"And you tell us we were over acting when we kept Britt and Sam's break up from you. Look at you now? You're a freaking out! Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're a mess! YOU'RE SO PATHETIC!" With that she stormed out from the living room to her room, slamming the door.  _What is wrong with her?_ Tina came running after the blonde bitch walked out.

"What happened?" Tina asked with concern.

"Well it's called glee drama baby!" I glared at her. I stood up and walk to the kitchen. "It's seems like it'll just be you and me for breakfast girl Chang." I shrugged and looked back at the close abused door.  _What a great morning!_

* * *

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"What time will Mike pick you up?" I asked Tina over breakfast, an awkward breakfast to be exact.

"He's on his way, do you need a ride or are you going to stay?"

"Tina, my apartment is only a few blocks away, I don't need a ride. And I'm not going to stay, not when a scary blonde monster is at large." I said pointing at the door where the monster is nesting.

"It's called green-eyed monster, have you heard of that Satan?"

"You think I'm illiterate?! And what are talking about Quinn being jealous?" I deadpanned.

"I kinda hear both of you a while ago, and I kinda know Quinn and you are sleeping around. You're just too horny to realize that it's not all fun and games for her. You should have seen her face everytime she goes home with you after every dinner we have, how uncomfortable she is everytime Brittany comes here to visit, and how worried she is of how you will react in Britt's break up with Sam. She even texted us before dinner last night to not bring it up."  _Holy hell that was too much information._

"You're wrong, that's just suspicion. We're not sleeping together girl Chang, she's my best friend, and she's concerned with my well-being. She loves me, but she's not IN love with me. Spot the difference?!" I can still get away with that, I would never admit to anyone what happens when Quinn and I are inside our room.

"Deny it all you can, but can you explain why Quinn is moaning your name last night?" my eyes widened with that, and felt my blood all went up my head.

"How would I know? Was I the one moaning?" this conversation is beginning to be uncomfortable. I need an escape route; I can still get away from this.

"O-kay so it'll be just fine to discuss my certain observation with Rachel and Kurt since there's nothing true with it, right?!" she smirked. _Trapped!_

"Fine… fine! You caught me! How can you see so much with those little dots you called eyes?"

"Are you insulting me now?" She asked, one eyebrow raised, crossed her arms and masked a devious smile.  _Is she blackmailing me now?_

"okay… okay my bad, but you haven't answered my question and does anyone know aside from you?"

"I just told you Quinn loves you and all you care about is what other people thinks." She said a little high pitch for girl Chang.

"And I told you she's not in love with me, so answer my freakin' question!" I demanded.

"No one knows alright, I just confirmed it from you, remember? What a victory it was don't you think?!"  _This girl is unbelievable!_ "And don't worry I won't tell anyone."

"I don't care if anyone knows Tina, but I know Quinn wouldn't like it if you do." I said calming my nerves down.

"Can I ask you a question?" she said hesitantly.

"Let me guess… You're going to ask me if I love her, right?!" she nodded.  _Very predictable._

"I'm going to say this once and I want you to listen very intently, I don't want a follow up question after, okay, Quinn and I are best of friends, I don't love her, she doesn't love me, it's just S-E-X! Got it?!" Her face was crumpled, full of confusion, she was about to open her mouth when I heard a knock on the door.  _Saved by the bell._

"That must be the zookeeper I called, he lost a pet panda last night and I told him he's gonna find that Chinese bear in the ice queen's lair. I'll go get him, you do the dishes. I'm gonna talk to him first, make sure he'll take care of the panda so it won't go astray, and I don't want you eavesdropping." I told Tina while making my way to the door.

"Mr. Dance Revolution, come in. Tina's exercising her domesticating abilities; you and I need to talk. " I welcomed Mike.

"Ah… okay.. " He said wary when he arrived at the living room.

"You plan on marrying your girl?" I asked straight to the point.

"Offcourse, but.." I raised my hands in front of his face to stop him.

"So, I know Tina's been bothering you with the commitment drama lately…" I started; Mike looked down to avoid eye contact with me. "It's okay Chang, don't pressure yourself. Do it on your own pace, if you think you're both not ready, and then don't ask her to marry yet."

"You're not mad at me for being a douche? She wanted us to be the first married couple in the group; it was kind of a goal for her. I wanted to save some more for a big wedding, her dream wedding, I didn't saw Blaine's proposal coming, she was really disappointed of me last night." He admitted shrugging.

"And so what if you're not the first to marry?! It doesn't matter if you can give her the first wedding in the group, what matters is you will give her the dream wedding she also wanted. And in the future, she'll be proud to tell your kids that you proposed to her on an unexpected magical gross moment, rather than you both sitting down and planning a wedding without any proposal. Right time, right place, your own pace buddy!" I told him while tapping his back for encouragement.

"Who are you and what did you do to my badass Latina friend?" He teased me.

"You tell anyone and I'll deny it!" We both laughed. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"I knew it, you need something that's why you're being nice to me." he said accusingly.

"We'll I would have ask you the same favor even without girl Changs drama." I countered.

"Okay.. shoot!"

"It's about Britt, I know you're going to see her next week and you're going to ask her how she's doing, she's going to pretend she's alright and be her jolly self, but I know she's not and I want you to make sure she talks to you about her feelings. She'll open up with a little persuasion, you're the only one amongst all of us who sees her constantly and I want you to be there for her. Can I count on you?"

"Sure, no problem, but you know you can visit her Santana."

"I know that, but I have a lot on my plate, apparently." I told him scratching my head, thinking about the situation at hand. I still have an ice queen to face or am I ready to talk about what Tina said?

"Hey! You spaced out." Mike called my attention.

"Right! Oh… Tina, it's time to go your zookeeper is here!" I called out for Tina cooing her.

"Zookeeper?" Mike made a funny face.

"Watcha said to him?" Tina said while approaching us.

"I told Mr. Dance Revolution that the way to really dance is to be in his own pace, each step at the right place and most importantly at the right time." I smirked at a confused Tina.

"Exactly!" Mike affirmed "It's time to go Tina, where's Quinn?"

"It's much safer for your lives if you won't say goodbye to her. I'll just give her your love." Tina giggled when I said the L word, I nudged her.

"Ouch.. See you soon and good luck with the ice queen" Tina said with a wink.  _And she's going to start teasing from now on. Bitch!_

"Thanks Santana!" Mike said and I gave him two thumbs up.

I gave them both a hug and push them out the door. When the door clicked signalling that I was alone, this means it's time to face the wrath of the scary ice queen. What if Tina was right? No way Quinn's in love with me, Tina's delusional and has a big imagination, That's it! I walked toward her room and before I open the door I recited my mantra to give me strength:

_I don't love her, she doesn't love me, it's just sex._


	5. Pandora's Box

**Santana's POV**

I opened the unlocked door of Quinn's room; the ice queen is seated on her mattress when I entered her cave, she looked up when she sensed my arrival. Her face showing no sign of emotions, typical Quinn Fabray, wearing her overused poker face. I took my steps towards her slowly, calculating my every move not knowing what to expect with this upcoming confrontation. Am I ready to hear what is really in her heart? To talk about whatever situation we are in? She stood up and crossed her arms, a sign that she is on her guard, that her emotions were sealed. I stopped infront of her; my eyes looked everywhere, avoiding the hazel orbs that are burning me like ember. There was a silent battle in who will break the tranquillity of the room, I closed my eyes internally struggling for words to say, another hanky to throw for surrender, but before I open my mouth, I was harshly pushed down into the bed, then comes a crushing weight pressing me against the mattress, she attached her lips with mine, a bruising kiss, there was no pretense as to what she wanted to accomplish. I was lost in the moment, her skilful hands roaming inside my shirt, giving me too much sensation. _You're just too horny to realize that it's not all fun and games for her._  The words of Tina echoed in my head, making me realized my purpose.  _That bitch is a total cock blocker!_  I opened my eyes and pushed Quinn to my side, and I abruptly sat up. Air was scarce after that mind-blowing make out session, if there wasn't a situation in hand, it wouldn't end up in just lip locking. But I have to stand my grounds and face her.

"We need to talk maybe somewhere without a bed." I started, she sat up looking at me straight in the eyes, still wearing her mask.

"If you need something to say, just say it now, I don't have time for this!

"Seriously, you have time to straddle me but you don't have time to talk to me?" I said incredulously.

"Do you want to talk more about Britt? Oh right, do you want me to describe how bothered you are with a call you received last night? When apparently all she said was your name, It was just your name Santana, and your world turned upside down." She shouted, she was hysterical and I don't know where her anger is coming from.

"Jesus, Quinn, What the hell do you want me to feel? She called me up and I know what she's going through right now. ofcourse, I'd be concern!" I countered.

"Well congratulations! I didn't know you had feelings, I thought you're tin man from wizard of oz."

"Hey, What's that supposed to mean?!"

"That you're heartless, mean and insensitive; but that all melts away with just one a call from Brittany!"

"Don't be like a jealous girlfriend Q! You're acting as if we have some sort of commitment, we don't! It's just sex!" This is way out of my comfort zone.

"And surely we're not in the same page!" She said my words must have been like a cannon ball that hit her hard, in mere seconds she crumbled down the floor crying hard, her faced buried in her hands, her walls destroyed by my words and the sight of a vulnerable Quinn Fabray is very heart breaking. It was hard seeing her pained, distressed, torn up, especially when I was the one who afflicted such injury in her feelings. Her tears was a confirmation of what Tina said, I was too caught up with my own desire that it wasn't all fun and games for Quinn.  _How could I be such an ass?!_ Certainly, we weren't in the same page.

"Quinn…" I rushed down beside her to lessen down the damage that I cause. "I am sorry!" it was a whisper, apologizing isn't my expertise, it puts a crack on my façade of being a tough person, but this is not the time to project a heartless bitch in me or _the tin man_ for the ice queen. I hugged her, she was trying to push me away but her emotions must have physically weakened her that's why she didn't succeed in getting away from my embrace. "I'm sorry" I repeated again. She cried for what feels like forever and I didn't let go of her. I may have been the reason of her tears but that doesn't mean I cannot give her a little comfort. When I sensed that she's regaining her composure, I loosen my hold and face her, I hold her face, run both of my thumbs across her cheeks to wipe the tears, our eyes met and that's when it hits me like lightning.

_There's a moment for everyone, Blaine kept on talking about the moment when he realized he's in love with Kurt, and he called it "Black Bird" moment, the time when Kurt sang black bird for his departed Pavarotti. He said it was magic, I said it was non-sense. It was non-sense and unbelievable, there was no logic to it and I would not accept such conclusion to LOVE. Its bull crap, if you asked me, asked as in past tense, yesterday's news, history. The irony of it all is that life will lay it down infront of you, slap you in the face and say this is your friggin' moment. Suddenly, everything makes sense, but still unbelievable because all of a sudden you're drowning with giddy feelings and it's irritating._

There's a flutter in my stomach, Goosebumps, and an indescribable feeling of me holding her. I've held her a million times, but this feels like it's my first. The feeling was so overwhelming and it's scaring me. It must have been her vulnerable eyes that caused this, her vulnerability opened up not just a door, but Pandora's Box.

"Santana" her voice hoarse from crying. "Please, don't run away from me." I cringed at her request.

"I'm staying Q" I reassured her. "But I want you to give me time to process all this, my feelings are as stubborn as my attitude."

"I am not asking you to love me back S."

"I know Quinn, but I may have feelings for you too, I am just lost right now." I explained to her. My feelings for her undefined, unexplored. I have been blocking every thought and rationalizing away any significant or important feelings I have for the ice queen, and now Pandora's Box is open I have fallen between the cracks. And I have yet to uncover what my true feelings are for one Lucy Quinn Fabray. After a few minutes I stood up, glancing at the clock on Quinn's night stand it's already time for lunch, I held my hands for Quinn, signalling her to stand. "It's time for me to prepare lunch, Blondie, get up there because the floor doesn't compliment your beauty."

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Lunch was a success without any awkwardness, what I like about my relationship with Quinn, is that we can bitch around, fight, slap each other and still stay friends. But ofcourse the present shift in our situation would make or break the bond that we created for years. Quinn was lying on the couch when I walked in from the kitchen after washing the dishes.

"Can we have some kind of prohibition?!" She inquired, she gave me space so I can sit at the end of the couch and she laid her head on my lap.

"Prohibition? That doesn't sound good." I said looking down at her. She sat to face me.

"That we won't sleep together until we figure out what we are and until we're both ready for the next level in our relationship." She said cautiously.

"WHAT?! Are you serious?"  _Did she say no sex?_

"Well, Yes I am."

"I don't think it'll help Q! You can't deprive me just because we're sorting whatever it is we needed to be sorted." I told her a little baffled.

"It's feeling we need to sort out Santana, you can't even say the word, and what planet are you from?"  _Round 2, Fight!_

"Obviously the planet where you're not from! Quinn, it's just that we've been doing this for 2 years and then now you want it to stop? That's crazy!" I shook my head, this is too frustrating.

"It's just temporary Tana; you're acting like your whole world depended on it."  _What did this girl do to my sex kitten?_

"Well it does! But if it is important to you I'll try. I won't promise anything, I-WILL-TRY." I surrendered.  _This is going to be messy._ "Are we dating now? Are you my girlfriend now or what?"

"You are such a romantic Santana!" She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Just keeping it real." I countered

"Fine, I don't know, um dating?" she said thoughtfully her eyebrows furrowed. "Girlfriends?" her lips twitched a little for a smile.  _Cute._ "Aren't you gonna woo me first or something?" she asked sweetly. I snorted.

"Woo you? Look Q, it's been a long time since I been in a relationship and that didn't even went through in some kind of  _wooing_ stage. Let's just compromise here, this week we go on a date, I'll woo you and you let me fuck you on our date." I said a little hopeful.

"It's all about sex to you, isn't it?!" she said irritatingly.

"Oh come on Q, it's a win-win situation, I am going to give you what you want, you're going to give me what I want and then we will put a label on our relationship." I reasoned out.

"No you're not getting any until you know what you really feel."

"That's just stupid Quinn, we're not in high school anymore, you're no longer the president of the celibacy club, what's with the prudeness?" I said angrily.

"You're right we're no longer in high school, but you're the same slut you were before."  _Whoa._ She might have realized what she just said because her composure changed.

"Ouch, that was below the belt, next time try punching a little higher! You know what for a moment I thought we can do this, that even though we're both fucked up bitches we can still make it. There's no need to sort out my feelings because you and I won't work. You're just delusional!" After ranting I stormed out of her apartment. Relationships are messy that why I never entered into one after Britt and with Quinn it would still be the same.  _Fuck feelings, fuck magical moments, fuck love!_


	6. I am a Quinn Junkie

**Santana's POV**

It had been a week since I last saw Quinn, I Immediately regretted what I said the day I stormed out of her apartment, but being a person with a lot of pride I didn't come back, I didn't apologize, and now I am miserable without her. I haven't contacted her because I don't know what to say.

She'll ask a lot from me, things I'm not ready to give, things I'm not sure I can give.

I decided to give us space for us to think things over. The first few days was bearable, my work helps me not to think of her, our department had been given tons of work load and being a product specialist there was a lot on my shoulders, something I needed to distract me away from Quinn. But it's a different story once I set foot on my apartment; my memory was always consumed of last Saturday's event. I am still shock of the turn of events, there was a lot to take in and I still can't believe that Quinn feels that way for me. All along I was preventing myself to fall for her, making myself believe that it wouldn't be anything but sex. And I was successful I didn't fall for her, but she fell for me and now I am still in SHOCK, processing the idea that I melted the heart of the ice queen. I must have some kind of magical power for making her fell in love with me and everything felt surreal. UNBELIVABLE.

Life changes after one week of not seeing Quinn, I became restless and irritable (which I always am but it worsen). Work was not helping anymore, when Quinn pops in my mind while working everything will be put on hold, which made me the most competent employee from last week to the most inefficient employee the next week. It wasn't just emotional for me; lately it was difficult to breath it's like air is scarce and if I am alone it's like the wall are breaking down and the ceiling is falling on me. And I had to admit that I don't just missed Quinn, I NEED QUINN!

I may not still understand my true feelings for her, but from days of being away from her I came up into a conclusion that I, Santana Maria Lopez, am addicted to the ice queen,  _I am a Quinn junkie_ and the things that were happening to me are signs of withdrawal.

My life was full of Quinn since forever, she's my best friend, she's the only one who stood by me whenever I needed someone, she was the one who picked me up and put me back into one piece when Britt broke me. She's my person, my life  _unconsciously_  revolved around her; I was  _unconsciously_ dependent on her, and now I'm  _consciously_  lost without her.

They say that addiction withdrawal occurs upon the abrupt discontinuation or decrease of intake. Quinn's a pill I constantly took and now I have a momentary lapse of intake, I suffer the consequences.

After two weeks, Quinn situation was taking a toll on me and I cannot not see or touch her any more, it's getting a bit too much and I have to see her.

* * *

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Usually Quinn spends her Saturday's indoor, so most likely she's at home reading a book or cleaning up her apartment. I know that I have a spare key, but I don't know what to expect in facing an unpredictable Quinn Fabray after my 2 weeks of absence, so I knocked and pray that things would go well. After a few seconds, a very sexy Quinn, she was wearing a vintage looking blouse and tight fitting pants that accentuate her figure.  _Oh my god that ass_.

"What do you need Santana?" Quinn asked coldly making me stop from ogling and looked up to her.

"You know why I'm here Q, but you look like you're going somewhere, is it a bad time?" I inquired; testing what mood is she's in. she sighed and gestured me to come in. "I don't do this Quinn, this pouring out feelings and shit, but I'm willing to make an exemption for you and I want you to bear with me." I started not wanting to sit down because I was too uncomfortable instead I paced in her living room. "I'm sorry for hiding from you for 2 weeks, I just thought that it was for the best but I was wrong it made things worse for me. I missed you Quinn, and I want to give this thing a try. I really do. I realized that you have been one constant person in my life I can't live without. It was crazy two weeks and I need you to keep me sane. I'm getting crazy with these undefined feelings in me; I rather have you beside me while I'm figuring things out than miserable and lonely without you." I felt a nail pulled out of my chest after I spoke.

"I'm going on a date today." Then I got hit by a train. I was too shock to even say a word. "It's not what you think… I mean I didn't want to go, it's just that Rachel keeps bothering me about this event, she and Brody were invited, she said she doesn't know anyone there and asked me to join them, then she thought it would be a great idea to introduce me with one of Brody's friends. I declined her offer a million times, but you know how persistent Rachel is, so I eventually said yes since you been M.I.A for 2 weeks. "She explained in one breath.  _Great, just great!_  She walked closer to me, she made tentative steps toward me, gauging my emotions, when she's a foot away she stretched both her arms and holds my shoulders, squeezing it a little making me look into her eyes. "It was brave of you to come here and say all those things. I missed you too S!" then she hugged me, the comforting feeling of her touch made me hug her back.

"Can we try again? Am I too late?" I asked shyly. She pulled away from the hug to look at me, the frown on her lips was replaced with a smile and I couldn't be more relieved with the gesture. Then she captured my lips in a kiss and then burying her face in the nape of my neck.  _I guess that means I'm not too late and there's still a chance for us._

"But I still need to go, Rachel's going to be pissed if I bail on her." she mumbled in my neck. I sighed knowing pretty well that I couldn't argue with her, I couldn't risk another fight.

"Fine, but can I tag along?" I requested, she pulled away again and raised her eyebrows at me.

"You're not mad? You're not going to try to stop me from going there? I'll meet a guy that Rachel wants me to date and that's okay with you?" She crossed her arms in her chest looking really pissed. Okay, so I should have argued.  _Damn this unpredictable woman._

"Woah. It's not okay with me; it's just that you said Rachel will be mad and she's counting on you. I was asking to tag along so I can make sure that guy you'll meet won't make any move on you. "I explained, I uncrossed her arms and hold both of her hands then kissed it. "I'm trying here and it would be hard if we clash in some petty reasons."

"You're losing it, where's is the badass Santana Lopez? But I'm not complaining, I like this girl infront of me." She pecked my lips. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, I just thought you didn't care about the idea of me meeting other guys."

"Ofcourse I care, if I beg you to stay and spend the day with me, will you stay?"

"No."

"My point exactly, why would I try to fight a battle I'm sure I would lose?" I said matter-of-factly.

"Wow, no snarky comments? No insults or what so ever?" she teased, grinning at me.

"I just missed you and I can't risk it, so consider yourself lucky." I stole another kiss which I won't get tired of, especially after missing this closeness for 2 weeks.

"Okay, so let's go?"

"Let's go meet your date."

* * *

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The truth is I don't want to be there and meet the guy Rachel wants to introduce to Quinn; this has a bad idea written all over it, but I want to support Quinn make sure she's alright and taken care of. That, that guy isn't a serial killer or something, but I'm internally praying he's some kind of a douche bag so Rachel won't push that guy to Quinn. Sure, she can make friends and I won't get in the way but I don't want some guy lurking around her.

The event was a fund raising program to support Nyada scholars which will be held at the central park near Bethesda Terrace.

"I changed my mind." I blurted out of nowhere. We were already in the central park and just a few meters from the event. I was doubting my decision of coming along with Quinn. I don't know what to expect and how I will react. "I think it would be a good idea if I wait for you somewhere, I'll hang out in a coffee shop and just text me if you're good to go."

"Are you sure? Are you alright?" Quinn asked concerned with my change of demeanour.

"No, It's just I don't trust myself right now. I'm a little scared on what will be the outcome of you meeting this new guy."

"It's called jealousy Santana; seriously, you're one of the most intelligent people I know but when it comes to feelings you're rated below average."

"Hey, I said I'm trying okay. It's really hard right now." I said defensively.

"Okay, are sure you're going to be okay?"

"I said no, but you could kiss me to make me feel better."

"We're in a public place Santana." Right we haven't really talked about this; surely she wants us to be a secret which made frown. "I'm sorry Santana; can we talk about this later?"

"Sure, you go ahead and just text me later." I said a little disappointed with the turn of event. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and started walking away. "Have fun!" I called out. Do you even say that to someone you like who will be with her heterosexual date.  _How stupid._


	7. Torn Down Walls

**Santana's POV**

"What's wrong S? You been quiet, don't tell me you've change your mind about us?" Quinn asked the second we set foot on her apartment. Quinn picked me up from a coffee shop and we hailed a cab from central park to her apartment, she was talking about her so called date but I wasn't really in the mood to listen, I don't even remember the name of the guy.

"Ofcourse not, just anticipating  _the talk"_  I said air quoting "the talk".

"Fine, I'm just going to change I feel sticky, Rachel spilled a soda on me earlier." She walked into her room with me in tow. I sat at the edge of her bed, taking in the comforting feeling that the place gave me; the place was uniquely Quinn, I never realized that I missed her room. Quinn stood infront of me, grinning devilishly, she's up to something.

"What's with the smile?" I asked, the smile was too contagious so I smiled back I can't even make a serious face if she's smiling like that.

"You know you were right about the compromise thing, I should have listened to you." She was unbuttoning her blouse slowly and I don't know where to focus my eyes on. She giggled, enjoying her effect on me. "It's just sometimes I felt used and you're just here for a good fuck." She finished the buttons and pulled her blouse off, revealing a black lace underwire bra pushing her perfect twins, making it look fuller than usual. I licked my lips at the sight of her rack infront of me. "I realized that we weren't just fucking buddies and we are also friends, and it was wrong of me to judge you like that." She unbuttoned her jeans and pulled it down in one swift motion. "I realized that we're much better in actions than in words, we convey so much emotion in our actions than we talking about things." She climb onto my lap straddling me, she pushed my chin up to close my mouth which I didn't know was hanging open and made me look at her eyes. "This is me apologizing to what I said to you, this is me acting out what I really feel about you, and this is me claiming you as mine." She leaned in for a kiss; it was a very slow kiss, there was too much passion on it and I realized that I no longer see the ice queen in her, the bitchy façade was gone, the walls that she built was temporarily torn down so I can get inside. She was giving too much of her in a moment and she was right, it would be much better with feelings. I pulled out from the kiss, my breathing was ragged, and my heart was beating too fast it feels like it's going to combust.

"Can you repeat that part when you said you're claiming me as yours? That was kinda hot!" I said grinning. She pushed me so I lie on my back; she pulled the neck of shirt and ripped it off. "What the hell Q, that's my lucky shirt." She lowered herself to peck my lips, lick my jaw all the way up to my ears.

"You're mine Santana." She repeated using her bedroom voice which made me moan. She kissed me again this time a little rougher, the passion is now mixed with lust, her nails are scraping my abs which left goosebumps in its wake, rousing all my senses. I couldn't take it anymore; in one movement I flipped us both together. I took off my pants and climbed on top of her, I moaned at the feel of our skin touching. It wasn't just sex anymore, it was way more than sharing your body with someone, and it was some kind of a ride to a wonderful land, a place deep inside her heart, untouched, unseen, and unexplored.

* * *

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It was the longest sleep I ever had in 2 weeks, Quinn and I fell asleep immediately after hours of claiming each other. There was a familiar feeling of panic I have inside, I was in the same situation when I was in high school. An undefined feeling for my best friend and the fear of destroying the friendship that was built for years, Déjà vu, it's just this time it's a different blonde and a different friend. The difference is that before I was impulsive, carefree and irresponsible. But now, knowing what a heart break could cause to a friendship and the gap it would give. There was a lot to risk. But I would be selfish if I wouldn't think of Quinn, what is my fear compared to hers? She'll risk a lot with me. No one knows she's gay, I bet she doesn't even know it herself. Love is love and so they say, but other people don't understand that especially Quinn's family. Quinn had gone through a lot for such a young age and she's risking another pain by choosing me. But I want her and I need her so I am not going to run away, I'm going to stay with her.

"I know you're awake S." She poked my cheeks lightly making me open my eyes. She was facing me, shamelessly staring at my naked body. I chuckled,  _Damn Quinn and her sex drive_. I advance into her capturing her swollen lips, she smiled into the kiss. "Good morning  _mi preciosa_!" she greeted me.

"I see you had time to google a Spanish word, Good morning too!" I said grinning; I must say Quinn speaking in Spanish with that raspy voice is too sexy and I can't wait to test her Spanish dictionary tonight.  _Ugh too much image in my mind._

"So you had a good night?"

"Best night!" I said winking at her. She sat up and was about to get out of the bed when I grab her wrist. "I'm really happy to be with you Quinn." I admitted.

"Awww look at you turning in to a softie." She cooed.

"You wish blondie, why don't you shower and I'll make breakfast." I kissed her, put a new shirt on and went straight to the kitchen to cook my girl her breakfast.

* * *

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"Nuttella on pancakes sprinkled with bacon tidbits." I brought down the plate after she sat down.

"Nice, I should keep you much longer." She said with a face splitting grin.

"Planning on dumping me anytime soon Fabray?" I teased raising my eyebrows.

"Not if you're always this sweet, thoughtful and attentive."

"It's just first day bliss; don't get your hopes up." I said scrunching my face.

"Way to ruin the moment tin man." She scowled at me.

"Hey, are you going to start to call me that."

"Yes, makes me relive the moment of my shortest relationship ever." She said then we stare intensely at each other after a few seconds we burst into laughter. "God that was what? Half an hour?"

"More or less." I responded, shaking my head at the memory. "I shouldn't have left." I admitted guiltily.

"I called you a slut and I'm sorry. Can we just forget that and move on?" she reached my hands across the table squeezing it. I nodded.

"Okay but before we move on to the next chapter, there's something you need to know."

"What?"

"Apparently girl Chang is a keen observer and she knows about us. She even called me out on my shit, but it was a good thing, made me realize a lot actually."

"Hmmm… Since Tina already knows why don't we tell them we're together, maybe next dinner at Alex's?" She said thoughtfully. "That would be a good start for us right?"

"Yes, I mean if you're comfortable with the idea." I don't want to pressure Quinn with coming out to our friends, I have been in that situation before so I know the feeling. Though the circumstances was different because when it was me, I was pulled out of the closet. It would be a big step, a very bold step actually and it would take a lot of guts to do it.

"I want us to have a fresh start Santana and the glee kids are practically our family, that's why I think they have the right to know. I'm just glad we're no longer in Lima atleast here we don't have to think of what people would say."

"Ditto blondie."

We were enjoying our Sunday afternoon watching some crappy movie, Quinn was sprawled on the couch and her head was on my lap, when we heard a knock at the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" I inquired.

"No because my someone is already here." She looked up to me, reached my cheek to caress it.

"Cheesy." I was about to dock down for a kiss when we heard the knock again. I groaned at the timing of the knock, Quinn got up and went to the door, a few minutes later she went back with a bouquet on her hands. At first, I was confused but remembering yesterday's event there's no doubt to where the flowers are from. Quinn saw the frown on my face and put the bouquet on the coffee table and snuggled beside me.

"Austin's just thanking me for yesterday, he thought I bailed on him because it took me a while to get there." She rested her chin on my shoulder. I didn't give her any reaction; I just kept staring straight at the movie. "YOU. DON'T. HAVE. TO. WORRY. ABOUT. ANYTHING." Emphasizing every word with a kiss.

"You should keep the flowers; I'm just going arrange it a little differently." I said eyeing the bouquet on the coffee table.

"Arranging it? For what?"

"I'm going to kill Berry for introducing you to that guy and I'm going to decorate those flowers on her casket."

"Ewww. That's kinda morbid!" She said disgusted and hit my arms.

"So Austin's his name huh? Like Austin powers? So how was his mojos? I asked playfully.

"Not as much mojo's as you have."

"Good to know." I leaned in for a kiss. "Wanna test my mojos" I said suggestively, quirking my eyebrows. Sliding my hands inside her shirt, drawing random patterns in her abs.

"You know how I want you?" she asked.

"How?"

"I want you to ride me here." She pointed at her mouth. "Then after you come…" She put her right index finger on my lips, tracing it, drawing lines down my neck, slowly going down the valley of my breast, stopping at the hem of my shorts, then her hand disappear inside my short. "I am going to eat you here. Hmmm… You're wet, is that all for me?" I nodded. She pulled away showing her glistening fingers, her eyes closed as she sucked her digits into her mouth. When she opened her mouth, she looked at me, then from lust her features change to confusion. "Wait, are you drooling?"

"No." I denied while immediately wiping the wet portion on the corner of my mouth. "I had an orgasm, mouthgasm."

"Well that's other word for drooling, but it's okay because I like the effect I'm having on you. So are you up for another orgasm or are you satisfied with your mouthgasm?"

"I'm an insatiable being Q." I enunciated.

"Good because I have a lot of things in stored for you, but for now I want you on my bed naked." With that she stood up and walked to her room swaying her ass exaggeratingly.

_Yay! My wild sex kitten is back!_

"You know I think I'm going to keep you a little longer than planned." I called out.

"Ditto baby."


	8. Whipped and Wooed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy chapter,I have big plans for next chapter, but I have to establish their relationship first so this short chapter is just filler but still vital. I introduced a new character here that will be mentioned every now and then in the future.

**Santana's POV**

It's Friday, and it's been 6 days now that Quinn and I are together, it's been a great 6 days, 6 days of bliss. I'm on my way to pick up Quinn from work; she's not expecting me today, a surprise, I planned something for tonight, and I'm a little nervous because it's been a while since I took someone on a date. I realize that Quinn is a typical girl who wanted to be sweep off her feet, but I'm still processing that and I think I can woo her, in my own kind of way.

I was outside of Quinn's office building and I know I'm just in time before she got out of work. I shoot her a text message that I'm outside the building waiting for her. I few seconds my phone beeped, a message from Quinn.

**Quinn:**

**Be there in a few**

Less than 5 minutes Quinn was getting out of the building with her co-worker, I think Hanna is her name if my memory served me right, I have to hide my hand at my back for Quinn not to see what I brought her. She was grinning while walking towards me and I can't help but to grin back,  _God her grins and smiles are really contagious._

"Hey stranger, remember Hanna." Quinn greets me. I nodded and gave a tight lip smile to her friend. "Hanna this is Santana..."

"You're best friend, I know." Hanna cut Quinn's introduction lightly, I've seen Hanna a lot of times, but we weren't introduced properly. Then Quinn went beside me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"And my girlfriend." Quinn added matter-of –factly. It was the first time she ever introduce me as more than her best friend. It was kinda sweet and I smile with all teeth showing at her gesture.

"Oh." Hanna responded a little surprise and I saw a little sadness in her eyes.  _Why?_ "Well, congratulations! You two are a hot couple."

"Thanks!" Quinn and I responded in unison. I looked at my watch to make sure we are not getting late for my planned dinner.

"I think we need to go now" I informed. "It's nice seeing you again Hanna." Quinn sighed and rolled her eyes after Hanna waved goodbye.

"What was that about?" I mean I like the idea of Quinn introducing me as her girl, but it feels like she had a different agenda.

"Well, she has a little crush on you and I just want to make sure I send the signals right, that you're not available and you are mine." Then she kissed me, I smiled at the kissed.  _Hot possessive Quinn!_ "I missed you today, you have dinner plans?" she said pouting.

"Yes." I responded and gave her a long-stemmed white rose I've been hiding at my back. "Dinner reservation for two, I recall promising to take you out on a date, and I meant to overthrow the bouquet you received last Sunday, but it will be a hassle bringing a bouquet in what I prepared for us tonight."

* * *

We arrived at an Italian restaurant at 20 west and 72nd Street between Central Park and Columbus Avenue.

"Why an Italian restaurant?" Quinn asked me after we ordered our dinner.

"I just remembered Breadstix and how we spent a lot of times there when we were in high school. There were a lot of good and bad memories, and we also made a lot of decision there too. Breadstix wasn't just a restaurant, that place was kind of a safe haven for us. And since we're starting a new, I want to bring you there to our safe haven… well sort of because I can't bring you there literally." I explained.

"Wow that was kind of thoughtful of you." She smiled shyly.

We were eating our dinner when we heard Frank Sinatra's -The Way You Look Tonight, Quinn giggled.

"Awww I love that song, the ambiance of this restaurant, the song it's so romantic." Quinn said smiling.

"Oh God I think I'm going to barf." I said pretending to throw up. "Good thing there's no dance floor here because I bet if they did have, you'll ask me to dance with you."

"Ofcourse." She said crossing her arms over her chest, looking a little disappointed.  _What did I do now?_

"Well I would still dance with you even if I protest, you know that right?" I said a little panicky, trying to pacify her.

"Did you just admit you're whipped?" She was smirking with her perfectly manicured eyebrow raised, still crossed arms.

"No… I would never admit such thing! I'm a badass Latina; I was never born to be whipped by a blonde bitch." I said defensively. She laughed at me.

"But you're previous statement says otherwise."

"Whatever."

* * *

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After dinner, we went to Central Park for a walk we bought an ice cream, holding hands. A week from now, we will be telling our friends about us, it would be a big step for both of us especially to Quinn. I was a little worried of her having second thoughts about coming out, but all of the doubts disappeared earlier when she introduced me as her girlfriend to her co-worker. Quinn's becoming a big part of my life and I think I'm walking in the right direction, I mean, I don't love her just yet but I'm getting there.

"I have a confession to make." I told her while we stop in the middle of the Bow Bridge to admire the view around us.

"What?"

"I really don't know how to woo a woman, I mean it's been a long time and I felt kinda rusty, so I looked it up in Google and list some possible cheesy ideas. I've come up with a cliché date, the dinner, the walk in the park, the ice cream. But while we're walking I felt you don't deserve this, that a girl like you deserve more than a cliché kind of date, so I have to improvise. let's add something cheesy." I faced her, took both of her hand and wrap it around my neck; I put my hand in both side of her waist. Then I move my feet and swayed from left to right.

"What are you doing?" She asked a little confused but she giggled.

"We're dancing, what does it look like were doing?" then I sang

_Someday, when I'm awfully low,_ _  
_ _when the world is cold,_ _  
_ _I will feel a glow just thinking of you_ _  
_ _and the way you look tonight_.

I smiled at her, she smiled back sighing.  _Happy sigh, I guess._

_Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm_ __  
_And your cheeks so soft,_ __  
_There is nothing for me but to love you,_ _  
_ _And the way you look tonight._

I kissed her temple, staying there humming the next few lines. We stayed like that for a few minutes, carving memories of tonight in our minds. It was a great night, a memory for keeps.

"I hate you." I told her after I pulled away.

"Why?"

"Because I'm becoming this cheesy and smitten and it makes me feel giddy, it will ruin my reputation as a bad-ass Latina. But I would do anything just to see that smile you're wearing right now." She leaned forward and gave me a sweet kiss.

"GET A ROOM!" someone shouted from the afar.

"WILL DO! ASSHOLE!" and my moment was ruined.

* * *

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"I had a good time tonight". She admitted while we were cuddling on my bed. It was one of those nights that I just want to hold her beside me. That her being by my side, arms wrapped around me is more important than sweating, panting, and moaning. _Sometimes_. Quinn is changing me, and I'm willing to take that change as long as I have her. I faced her to look at her beautiful face, her eyes closed but I know she's not yet asleep.

"Hey, Q" I whispered.

"Yeah." She didn't open her eyes, just snuggled closer to me. I hugged her a little tighter. There's this feeling inside me that wants to burst out of my chest and I just need to tell her. The night was perfect; I just have to be brave enough.

"I… I think I'm falling for you." I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. She reciprocated by wrapping her around me a little tighter too.

"Well, my train already arrived at that place; I'll be waiting for you." She said, she ducked down and lowered her head to my chest, feeling my heartbeat. We stayed like that until we feel asleep.

_I'm falling in love with the ice queen, fast and deep. She's already in love with me. Our relationship is more than just sex._


	9. Unwanted Visitors

**Santana's POV**

Third Friday of the month, Dinner date with the glee kids, and the night Quinn and I will tell everyone our relationship. These past few days both Quinn and I have been busy with our work, I spend the night at Quinn's on Wednesday and we haven't seen each other since. We been constantly texting and calling, but it's still not enough for me. That's why I'm excited for tonight's event, not only will I see my girl; I'll also spend the weekend with her. I'm not really bothered at the idea of the glee kids knowing my relationship with Quinn; I just hope she won't get cold feet. I went off from work early so I still had time to go home, Quinn said she's going to Alex's straight from work and we'll just see each other there.

I was on my couch paying bills online when I heard a knock at my door. Quinn might have finished work early too and decided to surprise me, but she has her own key, why would she knock? Then I heard another knock, the knock was hurried, it wasn't a banging knock but more of an excited kind of knock. So I immediately stand up from my couch to get the door. And there was another knock making me a little irritated.

"Knock much?!" I greeted as I opened the door. The next moment came in a slow motion. I was distracted by the thump I heard on the floor when I opened the door, the first thing I saw was a duffel bag that was thrown a few seconds ago, then someone hugged me, I wasn't able to see the intruder so I focus on my other senses to Identify the girl holding me. One thing I know is she's not Quinn, I'm sure of that. Strawberries hit my nostril, Quinn smells like lavender so definitely not my girl, the intoxicating sweet smell of strawberries. The scent was familiar; there were only few people I know smells that sweet. And then it was like all the air was sucked out of my lungs when I realized who my intruder was.

"Britt?!" I asked a tentatively. I wasn't still sure if it was her because I wasn't expecting her. I'm a little confused. Then I heard a giggle, it was confirmed, she is Britt.

"Sanny!" She squealed while pulling away. Brittany S. Pierce was infront of me, my best friend, my ex-girlfriend, my first love. "Surprise!" I was temporary immobilized by this sudden encounter.

"Hey! Wha.. What are you doing here?" I could have been a little welcoming if only I knew she's coming. My question made her enthusiasm toned down a little bit.

"It's glee kids night, aren't you happy to see me?"

"Ofcourse I'm happy to see you Britt-britt." I assured her. "What I mean to say is what are you doing here at my apartment?"

"I decided to stay for a few days and I have no place to go. I usually stay at Puck's with Sam everytime we visit, but since Sam and I broke up, Puck's place is not an option anymore." she explained.

"And you decided that it would be better to stay with me because?" She will always be welcome here, I'll be glad to accommodate her, but the timing was quite off. Atleast not tonight and not without Quinn's knowledge. My mind's going overdrive with the situation at hand.

"Because I thought you'd want me to stay with you." She said pouting. Brittany will always be Brittany. The simple minded, jolly girl from Ohio. I bet it didn't occur to her that it would be awkward to stay for a few days in her exgirlfriend's apartment, I mean, yes she's my best friend but the bond that we had was broken seven years ago. But here she was infront of me, like nothing happened and the past didn't matter. No grudge, no bitterness to her, but I was totally in a different universe. "But I could check with Quinn if you're not cool with me here." She said hesitantly.  _Ugh as if that would make any difference._

"No, it's fine... I'm just… never mind, come in Brit-britt! Glee kids would be happy to see you tonight." I caved in, and as if there something I can do about it. Maybe I can call Quinn to inform her Brittany's here. "You can stay in Blaine's old room." I pointed at the room so she can put her things inside.

"Cool" She replied and disappeared in the room. I took the opportunity to call up Quinn. It took her a few rings before picking it up.

"Hey, I'm a little busy right now but I'm about to finish, can't talk, I'll just see you later." She said hurriedly and then ended the call.

"NO! Damn it!" I protested. She could have listened to me for a few seconds atleast, but maybe she's really that busy.  _What to do? What to do?_  I sent her a text message telling her to call me as soon as she leaves the office because I have something important to tell her. Blaine's old room opened and when I looked up, my eyes widen at the sight infront of me, Brittany has nothing on except a little towel wrapped around her, barely covering her body. I averted my eyes from her and focused on my phone as if reading something important.  _What the hell?!_

"Sanny, I'm going to take a shower first before we go, is that alright?"

"Sure, no problem B, make yourself at home." Then she went straight to take a shower. _That was awkward._

When Brittany went to take a shower, I finished my interrupted work of paying bills online, and then I went in my room to prepare for tonight's dinner. I took off my clothes leaving only my lingerie's on. I checked my phone to see if there's any message or call from Quinn, I really need to talk to her right now, when I saw that there's nothing. I dialled her number again, but the call went straight to her voicemail. _Great_ , maybe she's low on battery now. I sent her another message telling her to call me and that I was calling her and it went straight to voicemail. I flopped onto my bed and sighed. Brittany will be at dinner tonight when we tell everyone about Quinn and me. This is going to be a crazy night.

"Santana, I'm ready to go." Brittany was at the edge of my bed hovering over me. I jumped up my bed and cover my exposed body. Brittany started giggling.  _God, does this girl know anything about boundary and privacy._ "Come on Sanny, there's nothing there that I haven't seen before." I rolled my eyes at her comment.

"I'll be ready in a sec; I just have to put a little make up on." I said as I walked to my vanity mirror. "How are you by the way? How are you coping up?" I asked curiously , the only thing I know from what Blaine told me a few weeks ago about their break up is that Sam left her for his family, apparently, Sam doesn't have a regular job in California and Brittany was the one earning for both of them while Sam save a few cash to send to his parents. Sam's little brother got sick and they needed Sam to be there for them, leaving poor Brittany behind.

"I would do the same thing if it was me, he's the eldest child and he has responsibilities, there's really nothing I could do about it. The break up was a mutual decision; I was never good at long distance relationship. The same reason why we broke up before, right?!" did I say she wasn't bitter? I take it back.

"Brittany…. I…"

"Don't explain its okay Sanny. I just thought Sam would be it, that he'll be the person I'll share my life with. But I was wrong." She looked so sad and defeated. I went and sit beside her on my bed and reached out her hands.

"If he loves you he'll come back to you." I reassured her.

"You know I'm scared that Sam will find another girl and replace me, I know it was a mutual decision but the thought of him being with someone still hurts. Then I remember you and what I did a few weeks after we broke up. I realized that I was a little insensitive of your feelings when Sam and I became an item. I'm sorry." She bowed her head and I saw a tear falling on her cheek.

"Hey, it's behind us, we've totally moved on. No need to bring it up okay?" I said lightly. She nodded in response. "Are you ready to go?"

* * *

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I still haven't heard from Quinn when Britt and I arrived at the Alex's, my calls were still going straight to voicemail and I'm getting a little bit frustrated. I just hope that we arrived early so she won't jump in any conclusion. I saw Alex on our way up and he waved at us, signalling that their all upstairs and that we're the last to arrive which wasn't I was hoping for. But that means Quinn's upstairs and she hasn't called me yet. When we were at the top flight of the stairs, I was looking for Quinn when Brittany pulled me beside her and linked our pinkies, I was about to react when I heard gasps from the table.  _Shit!_ I immediately extracted my fingers from Brittany's hold; everyone was looking at us maliciously. Brittany then greeted the group with her chirpy voice making everyone to come towards us to greet Brittany. I saw Quinn glaring at me, at the back of the group greeting Britt; I went by her side to explain.

"You must be Santana." I heard an unfamiliar male voice that made me stop my track towards Quinn.

"Who are you?" I asked a little annoyed from interrupting me, he must be invited by someone because no one goes up the 2nd floor when it's our night at Alex's.

"Hi! My name is Austin, I'm a friend of Brody, and I'm Quinn's date tonight." What? Date? Clearly I was left in the dark. I looked at Quinn then to the tall blonde guy beside me. He extended his arms to shake my hands but I just glared at him, sensing that I wouldn't give him any warm welcome, he scratch his head from embarrassment and gave me a smile.

"I'm sorry about Santana; she doesn't warm up to people easily." Quinn was alertly by my side, reasoning out my actions. I shake my head and went to the bathroom; Quinn was at my back following me. She locked the door when she entered, crossing her arms and glaring at me. "Well it was nice to see Brittany linked pinkies with my girlfriend." She said sarcastically.

"Not as nice as meeting Austin Powers, claiming he's the date of my girlfriend." I fired back. "I called you to tell you that Brittany decided to pop up in my apartment earlier and you said you were busy, I tried texting you and calling you but there's no reply." I couldn't control my temper anymore. This isn't what I wanted for our night; we were supposed to tell everyone about us. Then there was a conclusion that hit me. "Did you have cold feet? Called Austin so we won't pursue our announcement for tonight?" I asked accusingly.

"No, God no, he was here when I arrived I wasn't expecting him, I swear." She said defensively.

"Fine, I believe you." I told her but that doesn't mean I'm not hurting. "Are we still telling everyone tonight?"

"Rain check? I want to announce it when it exclusively to the glee guys not with an outsider." she said carefully weighing my emotions. I shrugged.

"Whatever. Enjoy your date." I said then stormed out of the bathroom.  _I fucking hate this night!_


	10. Keep Calm and Carry On

 

**Santana's POV**

I spend the dinner glaring at Austin, his arms at the back of Quinn's chair possessively claiming what's mine. I was in hell, I didn't even enjoy the food, and I don't even feel that I could digest my food properly with the sick feeling in my stomach. What's worst is Quinn seemed to be enjoying the attention his date is giving her. They are across the table, while Brittany is at my left and Blaine at my right.

"Is Quinn mad at me?" Brittany whispered in my ear pulling me a little closer to her side. "She didn't give me a hug earlier."

"She's not mad at you Britt; she's just a little busy with her new boy toy." I said while glaring at my girlfriend across the table who is giving me the same intensity look. "Don't mind the ice queen; she's just having her monthly visit." I shifted my sit to look at Britt and winked at her. She giggled at my comment making Quinn's nose smoke from across the table. I smirked at the ice queen, if she can have fun with Mr. Austin Powers, I can have fun too. Two can play this game.  _Game On!_

"Guys, there's a new bar across the street and they're just on a soft opening, there wouldn't be a lot of people yet, so do you want to see the place and grab some drinks, dance a little." Puck said persuading us.

"I don't think it's a good Idea." I said, I just want this night to end.

"Why not? The night is young and it's Friday, no work tomorrow." Kurt justified.

"I think we should go and see what that new place can offer." Austin butted in, making him receive another glare from me. "What do you think Quinn?"

"Yeah, what do you think Quinn?" I mimicked Austin's question. Making Tina giggle, she's having fun with this. I shifted my glare to her.

"Austin's right, we should see what they can offer; it would be beneficial in the future." Quinn said taking Austin's side.

"He shoots, he scores" I said sarcastically.  _UNBELIVABLE!_

"I'm sorry." Austin said, a little embarrassed.

"It's okay Austin, that's just Santana being  _Satan._ It's her second nature to insult people, you'll get used to it."  _I hope not!_

"Come on Sanny, it's been a while since we dance together." Brittany said excitedly. She's like a little kid excited to go to an amusement park. I nodded and smiled. She's right; I don't want to sulk all night because my girlfriend was in the hands of another man. It's been a while since britt and I danced together, something we both enjoyed doing. I should enjoy this too.

* * *

 

QSQSQSQS

They were right, the bar isn't that packed with people and Puck even scored us a VIP room so the group can have little party of our own. I've been trying to  _ **"keep calm and carry on"**_  just what that famous propaganda poster says, but I can't. How could I if the one person I wanted to hold is in the arms of another? And she's not even resisting any of his touch, the whole group was even commenting that they look good together and she replied with a shy smile, like she's entertaining the thought of them together. I was left on the sideline watching them enjoy their night; did it ever occur to her that this isn't cool with me? Or did she forget she has a girlfriend and she's also in the group with them?

"Hey, you've been quiet all night, you wanna go home?" Brittany gave me a light shoulder to shoulder bump, making me smile at her. She gave me a concerned look. "Is it me Sanny? You don't want me here?"

"Ofcourse not Britt, I'm just a little tired." I said then took two shots of tequila on the table, then gave one to my blue eyed friend. "Maybe I need to fuel up with this." We tossed our glasses and emptied our glasses.

"Wow, that was kinda strong without salt and lemon." She stated gritting her teeth on the effect of the liquor. We've been drinking for a while and I think I'm a little tipsy.

"Don't say you're backing out? We're just starting Britt-britt." I said playfully making her giggle. "Good cause I wanna start partying and stop sulking, you wanna dance outside of this room? I tired partying with these losers." She nodded and I pulled her out of the room to the dance floor. We were dancing like crazy, like we were high school again and didn't give a damn about the world. Some of the glee kids joined us on the dance floor; Quinn wasn't dancing, but at that moment I didn't care. We spent almost an hour dancing and enjoying each other, Kurt seductively danced around Blaine which was really funny because Kurt's kinda uncoordinated, Tina snake her arms around Mike every now and then when a girl lurks around her boyfriend, Puck dance stupidly around Britt and I. Rachel and Brody isn't on the dance floor, maybe they were keeping the new love birds company.

"Wow, I miss this!" I said in awe, it was like highschool party with the glee kids. It was euphoric seeing them so carefree and the energy of my friends is quite infectious.

"Yeah, we should go back here!" Brittany agreed, she must be thinking what was in my mind. Then she surprised me with a hug. "I miss this Sanny, I miss spending time with you." I was tensed at first but relaxed at her words. I hugged her back and pulled away but still keeping some contact by holding her hands.

"I missed you too Britt-britt" we giggled in unison. "Wanna go up and have some drinks, I need more alcohol in my system." She nodded. I pulled Puck with us, Tina and Mike decided to stay behind while Blaine and Kurt followed us. We were all giggling and laughing when we entered our room, but we all stopped because of the silence inside the room. I didn't look at the couples at the table, why should I there wasn't anything pleasant to see.

"Body shots anyone?!" Puck offered grinning like the perv he is. Kurt clapped his hands, while Brittany, Rachel and Brody nodded in approval.

"Great Idea but we need to pair up because random partner is messy." Rachel stated which is reasonable, but that means if Quinn joined she'll be partnered with Mr. Powers.

"Hey, Quinn you're not joining I need you to help me bring home Britt because she's unbearable when she's drunk, I don't need you tipsy while helping with her." I butted in immediately before they can even agree to join. Austin looked between Quinn and I, the look in his eyes said that he's internally debating on persuading Quinn to join. No way! It's bad enough that he spent the whole fucking night with her; I will not let him do a body shot with my girlfriend.  _Over my dead body Mr. Mojos!_  He was about to open his mouth. "No body shots for you Mr. Powers but if you're willing to pair up with someone else feel free to join, but Quinn is off limits for this game, you understand?!" I asked him raising my brows and pointing a finger at him, intimidating him. He looks at Quinn for a rescue "Don't you dare try reason out with me Quinn Fabray!" I said seriously. Quinn just shrugged her shoulders in surrender.  _That's right give up! Don't' you dare try me!_

"Okay, okay Quinn's off-limits, no need to be cranky!" Puck broke off the tension. I counted 1 to 10 to calm my nerve while reciting my mantra for the night.  _Keep calm and carry on._

"I'll bail on the body shots too I'm the designated driver." Blaine announced.

"But who'll pair up with Kurt?" Puck asked.

"No wait, Quinn and Blaine can't take in a shot, but they can take body shots  _off_  them so they can still join the pairing." Rachel instigated. Someday I'll just rip off that dwarf's head so she wouldn't get to ruin anything for me, then I'll pursue a career in capturing and killing mystical creatures since evidently I am surrounded by them.

"Not if they're not willing to join, are you up for it Quinn?" Tina said while entering the room. Tina looked at me and winked, I couldn't be more thankful that there's someone who understand my sentiments.

Quinn looked up at Tina and I, She knows very well why Tina is taking my side. Tina knows our relationship, the sleeping together part not  _the we're in a relationship_  part, but atleast Tina was aware of what's happening and I know she wouldn't let this pass and will call on Quinn's shit. Tina's the kind of person that if she sees wrong on things, she'll call on it and would fight in what she thinks is right. I remembered Tina was the one who called me up to inform me that Sam and Brittany are dating and said that she just don't want me left clueless. She also fought for Mike's dancing career, making his father see that dancing is Mike passion. Maybe that's why Tina and I are good friends, we're both straightforward person we just use different approach. I should remember to buy a gift on her birthday; a big stuffed panda bear would be a nice one.

"So what's it going to be Quinn?" Tina inquired again crossing her arms over her chest, summoning her inner diva again. Wow that was really very uncharacteristically,  _un_ -Tina. I smirked at Tina, I'm so proud of my Panda friends for standing up for me.

"I think we should postponed this for a while I need some air." Brittany spoke out of nowhere dragging me and Tina out of the room and out of the bar.

"What's wrong Britt?" I asked her after we stepped out of the bar.

"No, you two tell me what's going on? Why are you two ganging up on Quinn?" She pointed accusingly to Tina ad I.

"We're not ganging up on her Britt." I defended.

"Yes, you are, you been bitching at her every opportunity you can all night."

"You wouldn't understand." I relented.

"Try me Santana Lopez!" Brittany calling my out my whole name is quite scary. Tina shrugged.

"I think I need to leave you two behind, I'm going to cool off on the dance floor because I know Mike's already there." Tina excused herself and left me with Britt-britt. When Tina was out of sight, I braced myself for the coming confrontation.

"Let me guess, you and Quinn are sleeping together, no strings attached but it's kinda complicated right now, and Tina knew about the whole thing."

"Yes and no. Yes, we're in a no strings attached kind of relationship. But we decided to be in a commitment 13 days ago and tonight was suppose to be the night we come out to our friends, but some asshole decided to show up and claimed himself as Quinn's date. Quinn decided to back out from telling our friends. So yeah, I'm pissed off and sad and hurt; and I have every right too!" I was rambling and I didn't realize I was crying. Britt immediately hugged me to console me. "You know what's worse Britt? She told me she loves me but she's acting otherwise. It hurts to see her with him, they fit in together our friends even noticed that. But she's mine Britt, she's mine." She rubbed my back while I cry, whispering comforting words to calm me down. "I'm trying to be okay with it, but its hard when she's not even trying to resist being with him. She could have made him go home tonight; she could have told him that she's not interested with him because she's in a relationship. She could have done everything to avoid him, but she didn't. And I'm just taking it all in like it's just fucking fine with me, I maybe a bitch but I'm still human, I have an ego that she's stepping on and a heart that she's been stabbing." I cried a few minutes more and started to pull away from Britt.

"You know what we're going to do?" Britt smirked wickedly making me confused. Then she pulled me inside the bar.

"What?"

"We're going to join the body shot and we're going to show Quinn what she's missing tonight. Now, compose yourself because it's payback time!"

Suddenly, adrenaline rushed through my body. I'm so glad my best friend's beside me to make me keep calm and carry on.


	11. Body shots, anyone?

Brittany called up Tina and Mike who was on the dance floor so they can all go up together. When they arrived in the room, Brittany made their presence known by standing on the table.

"Okay guys; let's start the much awaited body shots. What's your decision Quinn?" Brittany asked going straight to business. Quinn looked at Santana then to Austin, but Santana threw her an impassive look making her raised an eyebrow in confusion. She doesn't want to aggravate Santana more but she'll end up as a spoilsport if she wouldn't pair up with Austin. She had been observing Santana and Brittany all night, they been dancing pretty close earlier and she even saw them hug every now and then. It seemed like the other blonde was doing very well on keeping her girlfriend company. She knows that she's not supposed to be mad at them, but there was something about Brittany being around Santana that she's not comfortable with. Maybe because of the past they have, that Santana and Brittany have a bond that she can never break, and there's a place for Brittany in the brunette's heart that she can never replace. Quinn feels that Santana could never fully love her because part of her would always belong to the blue eyed blonde.

"I'm in and I'm drinking." Quinn declared, she wanted to know how far Santana's patience would last. It would be risky, it would be messy; but she's willing to take that risk to know if Santana trust her or not. So far Santana's doing a pretty good job on not murdering Austin, she's a little proud of the brunette about that. She had come a long way since they been together, Santana was really doing a pretty good job on her promise of  _TRYING_ for Quinn.

Santana sighed and shook her head. She felt that Quinn just keeps pushing her buttons; she's like a time bomb that will explode anytime soon. She didn't feel that she deserve that kind of treatment from the blonde. Tina went to Santana's side patting my shoulder for support; surely her Asian friend can feel her pain.

"Hey, I don't have somebody to pair up with." Puck asserted.

"You can join us Puck, since Santana and I are single, we can have a manaja twa." Britt said making Puck smirk devilishly and receiving disgusted grunts from the group. "Why? What did I say?" Britt whispered to the brunette.

"You just consent Puck to have threesome with us." Santana explained.

"Ewwwww.. . I thought that means join in the group."

"Well that sort of the meaning just in a very sexual way." Making the brunette laugh, she thought Brittany's innocence never gets old.

"Who's gonna go first? Let's get it on!" Puck delightedly announced. Santana let out a shaky breath, preparing herself for what was about to come. She's giving it all up to Brittany, the blonde has plans and Santana trusts her.

"We'll go first!" Rachel shouted excitedly. Pulling Brody in the middle of the room, pushing her boyfriend on the table, she pulled Brody's shirt up to his chest before she pushed him again to let him lie on his back and giving him the lime to put in his mouth. Rachel then licked her boyfriend's neck then sprinkled salt on it. Puck poured the shot of tequila on Brody's navel. Rachel then sucked his boyfriend's neck, dived in his navel to drink the liquor and took the lime off her Brody's mouth. It earned a loud wolf-whistle from the group making Rachel proud of herself.

Quinn was cringing at the thought of her girlfriend taking a body shot, especially because she's paired up with Brittany. She knows Brittany likes to have fun and this time it would be at the expense of her girlfriend.

On the other side of the room, Santana was also petrified of what she will be feeling when it would be Quinn's turn. She's not sure if she can even handle the situation and she's ready to back out anytime soon. Her thoughts were distracted by another wolf-whistles signalling that the first pair was done with their body shots.

"We're next!" Tina announced. Tina and Mike decided to take the shot at the same time; it was actually kinda cute, Tina first licked Mike's collarbone and sprinkled it with salt, Mike doing the same thing after, then simultaneously licking the salt on each other before drinking from their shot glasses, and taking the lime from the table and then kissing each other sweetly after.

"It's Austin and Quinn's turn now!" Rachel instigated after the Asian couple were done. Santana become rigid at the announcement, she holds her breath and prepared herself for the sight that will be unfolded infront of her. Sensing her best friend's fear, Brittany, Step up again on the table.

"No, it's my turn with Santana!" The blue eyed blonde declared. "Quinn and Austin can go after us." Brittany was determined to show Quinn what she was missing, and if Quinn would still put up her show with Austin, Quinn just have to watch what she's going to do with the brunette. Brittany was already on the table claiming the turn so there was no use for arguing. The tall blonde went down the table; she then curled her fingers and seductively beckoned the brunette to her. When Santana was already beside her, she glanced at Quinn and winked, making the other blonde roll her eyes in annoyance. Brittany harshly pulled off Santana's shirt in one movement, making the brunette and some people gasped in surprise.

Quinn felt her stomach dropped at the sight of her girlfriend without a shirt on. Brody, Austin and especially Puck looked pleased in what they were seeing, making Quinn grew more irritated, knowing Santana being her confident self didn't mind being shirtless.

Brittany celebrated inwardly, grinning at Quinn to annoy her more. She took the shot glass and places it between Santana's breasts, the brunette shivering a little at the contact of glass on her skin. Brittany looked at the brunette infront of her deliberately assessing on where to put the salt that will make agitate Quinn more. And then an idea came like light bulb lighting at the top of her head, she took Santana's hands then she licked the brunette's index finger, not yet satisfied with what she accomplished, she then sucked the finger and bobbed her head while did so, making the Brunette's eyes widened in shock, the tall blonde then looked at Quinn who was glaring at her. Brittany stopped a few seconds putting salt on the abused finger, licking it again to start the shot. She was about to dive in to the glass that was placed between Santana's twins when she was yanked away by a hand pulling her hair.

"Enough!" Quinn said furiously. "Fun's over!" She took the glass from Santana's chest and threw it on the table, and then she took her girlfriend's shirt to cover her front. "I want everyone out!" The group shared a confused look; they don't know why Quinn was throwing a fit. "Everyone out now!" She repeated again. Tina, knowing what the fuss was about led the group to step outside the room. "Austin, Brittany stay I need to talk with you." She commanded. Santana stood up and put her shirt on, when she was about to leave, Quinn pulled her gesturing her to stay. It was their first contact for that night, that longest night, they sat side by side. Quinn gestured Austin and Brittany to sit.

"Austin, I'm sorry about tonight." Quinn started, she's a little calmed from the anger but her nervousness was kicking in. She took Santana's hand and intertwined it together to find support, thankful that the brunette didn't pull away. "I didn't mean to drag you through this, I was just not expecting you show up tonight."

If Austin was confused a while ago by Quinn actions, he was more confused now. He was lost and clueless of what was really happening.

"Santana and I were supposed to announce something tonight to our friends, but I bailed on her because I got nervous at the thought of an outsider being with us at dinner". She started explaining. "It was my entire fault, I should have told you the first time we met that I wasn't interested in dating anyone..."

"Because you're with Santana." Austin ended Quinn's sentence while looking at the intertwined hands infront of him. Quinn nodded looking at him apologetically. "Well that explains her rudeness; I wouldn't handle that properly if I was her." He said giving a tight lip smile to the girls. "Well, I think I should go." He tapped his lap and stood up. "I'm sorry about tonight Santana." He extended his hand like he did earlier when he was introducing himself to the brunette, but this time Santana took it and shook their hands, accepting the apology. After the hand shake he turned around to go, leaving the unholy trinity inside the room. Quinn and Brittany glared at each other, sensing the tension from the two blondes; Santana cleared her throat to speak.

"Brittany knows about us even before you told Austin, the body shot was just a show Quinn." The brunette explained to her girlfriend. "Don't get mad at Britt because of that." Quinn sighed at the brunettes words; she can't get mad at them because it was her fault that that whole fiasco happened.

"I'm sorry for pulling your hair Britt, I just can't stand there and watch you, and the thought of you touching Santana woke up my senses."

"Atleast there something good happened from my hair loss." Brittany joked, making the other two laughed. "Can I have a request though?"

"What is it B?" Quinn asked.

"Can I finish my body shot with Sanny?"

"No" Quinn answered rolling her eyes.

"Fine, it was worth a shot." Brittany countered winking at Santana". One last request? And I hope you won't turn me down this time." She bargained.

"What is it Britt?" Santana was the one who asked this time.

"I want a group hug from my two best friends, I missed you both and I'm glad you're together." She said genuinely, making Quinn and Santana's smiles widened.

The truth was, Quinn thought that Brittany wouldn't take the news of their relationship lightly. Maybe she was too much hung up with her best friends past that she didn't realize that they have really moved on from their break up, and the feeling for each other was just platonic. She was the one to take the first move and hugged Brittany. Santana joined in the hug after a few seconds, placing a kiss on Quinn's temple. It wasn't intimate but the gesture made Quinn's heart swell, after what she did tonight she was expecting the brunette to be mad at her, but all she showed tonight was patience and understanding. She felt so lucky to have Santana in her life. Santana said she would try for Quinn, and promised that she would not run away, and tonight all she did was kept that end of the deal.

"Maybe we can call in the guy's now and tell them about us." Quinn whispered in her girlfriend's ear after pulling away from the hug fest. Santana nodded and called out their friends to come in the room and gestured them to sit down for an announcement.

"I'm sorry I went cray cray a while ago, there's something you needed all to know." Quinn started, she was nervous; she didn't know how their friends would react to it. Sensing her girlfriend's hesitation, Santana took Quinn's hand and squeezes it. They locked eyes, they don't need words to speak to each other, Quinn's eyes were asking Santana for help, and the brunette was willing to step in for the rescue.

"Quinn and I are together, we've been together for two weeks now." Santana spoke straight to the point, not wanting to beat around the bushes. It's been a long night and might as well get it over and done with. Santana saw Tina and Brittany beamed with joy, but other than the two, the rest was in shock. But after a few moment of recovering from the news, they all stood up and congratulated the new couple. Blaine was the first to approach them, telling them he had suspicions before. Puck even teased them that the hottest girls he know were together and that there would be a lot of man crying about the news. Kurt joined in with a scowl on his face, saying that the two girls beat their announcement last month but was happy that Santana found someone because Blaine worry about her being single for so long. They got hugs from the Changs and another from a very happy Brittany.

"So you were her  _predicament_!" Rachel accused looking at a confused Quinn. "Well Santana had a slip up and told me she was sleeping with someone, she's Santana Lopez so we know she sleeps around but then she told me she's only sleeping with one person. I didn't know it would be you, I mean I know you two were always together, but that's given because you're best friends. And I'm just wow! I didn't expect this!"

"Are you done rambling dwarf? Because you can say all of that in one word: CONGRATULATIONS." Santana commented. "And by the way, I'm still mad at you for bringing Mr. Powers here tonight."

"Oh… I'm sorry Santana I didn't know your situation with Quinn. Brody and I thought it was a good idea to invite Austin to dinner so he can get to meet the group and spend the night with Quinn"

"Fine… Fine… Apology accepted but that doesn't mean I'm not upset with you anymore, you have to make up to me and bake me lots and lots of cookies, Brittany will be staying for a few days and she'll be looking for your cookies."

"Deal."

"Oh thank God you replied with one word." Santana said exaggeratingly making the whole group laugh, earning her an eye roll from Rachel.

After a celebratory drink, they all said there goodbye's and went in separate way. The unholy trinity took a cab home and struggled to go up to Santana's apartment because of a very drunk Brittany. Not only was she struggling from standing by her own, she was also a handsy drunk, touching Santana every opportunity that she can. So the couple decided that Quinn would hold Brittany and Santana would keep her distance so the taller blonde would not do anything to her, and Quinn would not rip off Brittany's head. Went they got in to Santana's apartment, Quinn settled Brittany in the guest room while Santana slumped on the couch exhausted.

It was a long night, a very long tiring night; but Santana was happy that it didn't end up with any crimes being committed. The glee guys know their together now, Brittany will be staying with them for a couple of days and she can't wait to rekindle their lost friendship, Austin's gone hopefully forever, and Quinn was still with her. To sum it up it was a great night.

"Hey" Santana heard her girlfriend approaching her. Quinn snuggled beside the brunette, wrapping her arms around Santana's waist and nuzzling the nape of her neck. "You still mad at me?" the blonde asked using a baby talk voice.

"No, but you can make it up to me in bed tonight." She said suggestively. "To be honest, I was mad at you, I even made up this scenario that I would scold at you and rant all night, but after you told Austin and the glee kids about us, I just want the night to be over so we can be alone, just you and me, and I can hold you like this even though we stink because of the alcohol." Santana sat up straight making Quinn pull away from the embrace; the brunette faced her girlfriend and holds both of the hands. "I realized something today… about Brittany." When Quinn heard the other blondes name she took away her hands from the brunette. "No… no… it's not a bad thing." Santana reassured her girlfriend taking again the hands she wanted to hold so much. "I missed Brittany and after we talked, well actually I cried and talked while she listened, I realized I needed to have that moment with her to have a closure. And it happened; I finally had that closure with Britt". Santana leaned forward to peck Quinn's lips; she needed that contact to have the courage of what she will say to her girlfriend. "When she arrived here earlier all I think about is how you will react to her presence, and all night all I think about is how I don't want you to be in somebody's arms. You're mine Quinn." Santana kissed both of Quinn's hands and looked deep into those green eyes. "I know I'm rambling, it's the Rachel Berry effect, but what I really was trying to say is tonight I realized that I'm in love with you."

Quinn gasped at the words Santana just released. She did not expect Santana to say that words soon and also not that night when she felt she screwed up, but Santana keeps on surprising her with all the sassiness. Santana was moody, short-tempered, and a snarky bitch but behind all those was a gentle, caring, and wonderful woman that Quinn fell in love with.

"Well, I was expecting a reply, but you can go on to your dreamland because it seems like you're not with me." Santana snarled crossing her arms.

"I was just taking in what you said, and I love you too by the way." With that said, Santana jump to straddle Quinn, making the blonde giggle. Santana peppered kisses on her girlfriends face.

"My Train has arrived, thank you for waiting for me Q." Then they shared a passionate kiss, putting in to action what their hearts want to say, like what Quinn said, that's what they are good at. "I think we need to celebrate". Santana quirking her eyebrow and smirking devilishly.

"I think you need to wash that index finger first because I don't want Brittany's saliva inside me."

"Ewwwww… That's a total turn off." They laugh in unison.

It wasn't what Santana expected their night to be, but it was definitely what she imagined how their night would end, celebrating it with sex. Tons of tons of sex.


	12. Shacking Up

**Santana's POV**

_Someday, when I'm awfully low,_ _  
_ _when the world is cold,_ _  
_ _I will feel a glow just thinking of you_ _  
_ _and the way you look tonight_.

I was inside the train on my way home when I heard my phone beeped a message tone designated only to my girlfriend to commemorate our first date.

**Quinn:**

**I'm still at work, I know you're on your way home. Pick me up? I have good news… love you baby!**

I shoot Quinn a text that I'm in the train and I'll be in their building in a few minutes. My office is a train ride away from my apartment, while Quinn's office is a few blocks away from her apartment and my apartment as well, but she's busy lately so I was often end up picking her up from work. It's been 6 months and so far we haven't killed each other yet, we're so different from high school Quinn and Santana who likes to compete with each other. Quinn and I knew each other since we we're a child, but I've learned to know her more this past few months. She's a different Quinn when we're just friends, she was guarded and indifferent, but when she became my girlfriend that Quinn faded away and replaced by a protective and loving woman. I never thought that I could meet a different kind of person from a girl whom I knew forever. It's like discovering new passages in a house I lived in all my life, it was ironic and wonderful at the same time.

After Brittany, I thought I could never love again, I thought I would never forget my love for my blue eyed best friend, but I found Quinn, who I unexpectedly love and who surprisingly love me back. Quinn makes me want to be a better person, better than the person Britt made from me. Quinn made me realize that I am capable of far more than I am aware of, like loving her more than I love myself. Britt showed me how wonderful this world is, but Quinn showed me how wonderful it is to live in this world.

My thoughts were never shared verbally to Quinn; we're still trying to overcome that flaw in our relationship, but I made sure I show her my feelings through my actions.

I sent a text message to Quinn when I arrived at the lobby of their office. A few seconds more I received a message from her.

**Quinn:**

**I'm finishing up, I'll be down there in a few minutes…**

I was reading Quinn's message when someone tapped my shoulder, I looked up to see a Hanna beaming at me.

"Hey! Quinn's still at her station, mind if I keep you company while you wait?" She asked blithely, there's something different with her today that I can't point out.

"No, I don't mind. She's kinda busy lately and I think she'll take long to go down."

"Yeah, she's busy because she's up for a promotion…" she stopped then sighed. "Against me."

"Oh... I would congratulate you for the pending promotion but…"

"Yeah, I know I'm up against your girlfriend. I told her I'll turn the promotion in one condition."

"What?" I asked curiously, maybe I could help Quinn step up of the corporate ladder.

"If she gives you to me." she winked at me, making me froze from where I was standing. When Hanna found out that Quinn and I are together, she shamelessly flirts with me in every opportunity that she can. Sometimes I purposely greet Hanna just to piss off Quinn because I find Quinn's jealousy adorable. "I was just joking, you should have seen yourself. You're too cute!"

"She's not just cute, she's also my girlfriend." A voice came from behind, and then strong arms were wrapped around my waist.

"Oh, hey Quinn! Santana looked lonely so I kept her company while waiting for you."

"It was nice of you, but I'm here now so you can go." Quinn said rudely, making me clear my throat and looked at Hanna apologetically.

"Right! Have a good night you two." She bid us farewell and turned around to walk away from us.

"That was so blunt of you babe, maybe next time you can make it subtle." I turned around to kiss her cheek.

"I was in a hurry to finish my work just to find you flirting with that little slut! I'm sure she was waiting for you, have you seen her short hair? She told me, that maybe now you'll look her way because you have a thing for blondes with short hair. That girl really gets on my nerves." _That's why Hanna looks different today._

"I have a thing for blonde period, and I wasn't flirting with her, we were just talking." I said defensively and then hugged her. "She told me you're up for a promotion head-to-head against her, congratulations!" I said cheekily trying to lessen Quinn's jealousy, sometimes it's adorable but sometimes her jealousy was overbearing.

"That was my good news, that bitch stole my thunder!" She crossed her arms over her chest, pouted, and on the edge to throw a tantrum.

"Hey, it doesn't matter. We need to celebrate your up and coming promotion! Where do you want to eat?" I asked her trying to lighten up her mood, trying but failing miserably.

"It's not where I wanna eat babe; it's what I want to eat!" She said boldly, quirking her eyebrows which made me laugh. The thing with making Quinn jealous was one moment she wants to rip off my head, and then the next moment she wants to rip off my clothes and take me right then and there.

"Okay, but we need to order out because I'm sure you're going to tire me tonight."

* * *

QSQSQSQSQSQS

I was dozing off when I felt a hand wandering along my thigh, and then I was attacked by a tongue on my shoulder blade. I moaned to announce that I'm still awake; I tried reciprocating by touching the body of the person hovering over me, I tried opening up my eyes to look how beautiful my infiltrator was. I tried but failed, I was so tired, and my body can no longer endure another round after hours of writhing under my girlfriend. Yes, I've been under her for hours, she's been so dominating lately, but who's complaining? I love every moment of it!

"Baby, we have work tomorrow, I'm really tired, haven't you had enough?" I whined, my eyes half-lidded from lack of sleep. I swore my girlfriend's energy meter that night was on high and I just can't cope up.

"No." Was Quinn's only reply, she didn't even pause on devouring my body. "I've been thinking." The blonde's right hand went to my inner thigh making my senses anticipate my girlfriend's next action.

"Mmmmm.." I guess another orgasm wouldn't be that bad, I just have to make sure I wake up at the right time tomorrow.

"We've been together for a while now." Quinn's hand reached higher making it dangerously near a very sensitive spot on my body.

"Yes." It came out more of a sigh than a response to what Quinn was saying.

"And I love you and you love me." A finger traced the length of my slick making squirm with pleasure.

"Yes... Yes... Fuck yes..." Another acknowledgement came out of my mouth, but I'm sure this time it was to the blonde's words and action.

"And we're together-together, like everyday together." Quinn then pressed her thumb on my nub and circled over it with a light pressure.

"YES! God yes!" I was too sensitive after 4 or maybe 5 five orgasms, I lost track of it. I was predicting Quinn's next move so I spread my legs to accommodate my girlfriend.

"So I was thinking of moving in."

"YES!" Santana's eyes snapped open with what my girlfriend just said and instantaneously sat up and covered my body. "What?!"

"You already agreed, so you can't take it back." Quinn sat up to level with me, smiling triumphantly.

"And you made me say YES by tiring me with loads of sex." I snarled at the green-eyed blonde.  _I was no longer sleepy and no longer horny._

"Which turned out to be a very effective method."

"You sneaky bitch!" I pouted.

"And why did you cover yourself?"

"Because we're having a serious talk and I can't concentrate if both of us are naked, so cover yourself too." I threw Quinn a blanket. "I knew something was up, not only have you been acting weird, you were also very sweet these past few days." My words made Quinn scowl.

"Hey, I'm sweet!" my sneaky girlfriend retorted.

"If you're comparing your sweetness to a dark chocolate then it would absolutely be a yes. Why don't we backtrack to the reason why we are awake in this hour of the morning?"

"SEX?"

"God, Quinn don't play dumb, I already got that role, audition on something else!" I grumbled.

"Fine, it was just a proposition, I mean think about it; I already have a space in your closet, I spend most of my nights here, I'm spending money on an apartment which I don't even sleep at anymore. You're parents leased this place, I can share with the expenses and we can save some money for our future."  _Moving in? Future? Where is this conversation going? Holy hell._

"It's only been 6 months." I breathed out.

"We've known each other like forever. We joined the cheerios together, became the captain of at the same time. We joined glee club and ruled McKinley arm in arm. We've been fuck buddies for 2 years before we had a relationship, on the course of those 2 years, on the first few months you been fooling around with some other girls but at the end decided to just stick in fooling with me because you felt you had enough of sleeping around with random girls. I fell in love with you but you're so oblivious, thanks to Tina who opened up your mind. We decided to try our relationship but the first day was a disaster, but you came back after 2 weeks and said you needed me in your life and that day we became official. And…."

"Stop… Stop… You're not proposing tonight right?! Because this is very unromantic." I told my girlfriend while my breathing becoming shallow.

"Who said I am proposing, I was saying we don't need to get to know each other because we already spent almost our whole lives together." _Relief._ I almost got a heart attack there.

"Oh! I told you I get to play the dumb role here." I made a joke to lessen the tension.

"So?" Quinn asked obviously irritated.

"So what?"

"I'm getting frustrated here, what's your freaking answer."

"Well, thinking about it, if you're moving in, it'll just increase our sex life. So why not!" I said cockily.

"You're such a perv!"

"Says the girl who's been eating me out all night." She giggled and snuggled at my side.

"I love you Tana!"

"I love you too babe, welcome home!" I pecked my ice queen's pink lips and hugged her tight. "Another round for a celebration?

 


	13. HIgh and Dry

**Santana's POV**

"We can't have sex tonight." I haven't had any for a week now, and everytime I tried to tease her she'll always say no, or she's tired, or just doesn't want to have it tonight. I sighed, defeated.

"Why?"

"I'm so tense and I can't do this tonight."

"Then I'll help you relax." I reached out my hands to massage her back, but she shrugged it off.

"Noooooo!"

"Can you just tell me what's bothering you so I can understand?"

"I… um… there's a lot actually" The truth is, I know there's a lot of things in her mind right now, I just want her to open up to me. The "we do better in actions than words" is already wearing off, and I'm getting tired of second guessing what she wants to say to me.

"The promotion?" Quinn's busy with work lately, she really wanted the promotion, and especially it's Hanna she's up against. I don't know what really happened to them, they were friends before but now their arch nemesis. Quinn's bitching out everytime I talk to Hanna, so to just avoid any more complications, I don't pick her up from work and just wait for her in our apartment.

"Yes"

"There's something else?"

"Yes." She answered, which made me roll my eyes because I know there's something else, I want her to tell me what that is; and not give me a damn one syllable answer.

"So you're not going to tell me, I'm just going to guess?"

"Yes"  _Argh, Fabray and her never ending gaming, it'll never get old._ It would be fun at times, but moment like this isn't fun anymore.

"Jesus Christ Fabray, can you say anything except yes?"

"Yes"

"Fuck it! Let's just sleep I'm not horny anymore, and I have no time for your guessing game." I stood up to leave; I can't stay in a room with her with the frustration I was feeling.

"Where are you going?"

"I have a spare room; maybe it's time to use that."

"Don't go babe… Please!" She batted her eyes and pout, she may have looked adorable, but I am not giving in.

"You know we're in a relationship now and all I want is for us to understand each other. I can't do that if you're not going to tell me what's going on in that beautiful head of yours. I love you alright and I want this to work, I want us to work! And we can only do that if we start to be open with each other's feeling. Can we do that? Like right now?" And Auntie Snix has arrived again.

"I don't know where to start Tana, I'm all over the place, I fucked up, I don't know what to do?" she admitted, looking down at her lap. Her action made me panic, I immediately run to sit at her side to hold her.

"Did something happen?" I asked concerned, she looked up at me and her eyes were glassy with tears about to fall. My heart was pounding; I was already expecting a bad news from how she was reacting. "Oh God! Are you breaking up with me?"

"No, ofcourse not!"

"Then tell me because it's killing me!" I pleaded.

"The announcement of who will be promoted is next week…"

"That's it? You're beating yourself up because of the announcement?"  _That's just stupid. I'm not having any because of her excitement?_

"There's something else, but I want you to promise me that you won't freak out."

"I can't! I'm already freaking out! Just say it already so it'll be over and done with!"

"Fine, so the announcement will be next week and I called home to inform them I'm up for a promotion, mom said she'll be here on the announcement whether I got the position or not."

"That's great! Judy's being supportive. What's the catch?" I see nothing wrong with what she just said.

"Don't you get it? Mom's gonna be here. Like here-here."

"OH!" I see everything wrong with what she said now.

"Yes." And we're back to one syllable answer.

* * *

QSQSQSQSQSQS

It's Quinn's judgement day, the day we would know if she would step up the corporate ladder as an operation manager. We've been kinda busy lately, she's busy at work for this day and I'm busy at work so I can take day of to prepare a surprise party for Quinn and ofcourse for our visitor tomorrow. The guest room is ready, Quinn told me she'll be sleeping with her mom while she's visiting, I guess that means her mom doesn't know our relationship yet, maybe she's planning on telling Judy in person, maybe.

This whole "we don't talk our feelings and just act on it shit" was really getting onto me; I think it's getting a toll in our relationship. I've been trying to talk to Quinn about it, but she kept brushing off the topic, saying she's really stressed out lately and that we can talk about that topic some other time. I know how hard it is, to be vulnerable, to open up one's soul, to expose one's feelings, putting down one's walls. The feeling weakening, that you're unguarded, unsafe, and unprotected because what people would find out will be a blackmail material or anything that will be used against you in the future. The thing is we're no longer stranger, we're in a relationship, we love each other and I think this would not last if there's a wall between us. But I love her so much and I would do anything to destroy that wall.

"She got the promotion!" Puck shouted, jumping up and down the living room, he run to me to hug me scoop me off the floor. Puck got the information from Quinn's officemate, which Puck purposely flirted with, so we can get inside information if Quinn won over Hanna without my girlfriends' knowledge.

"Woah! Puck I'm the girlfriend, you're overexcitement overthrow my rights to be the most happy person on the room!"

"I'm excited because we're having a party, free booze! If she didn't get the promotion, there would be no party, meaning I would go home without alcohol in my system."

"I would still give her a party, she worked hard, she sacrificed a lot, and when I say a lot…" I stopped myself before I would divulge to everyone that Quinn and I haven't sleep together for 2 weeks, Puck would have the time of his life if I continue what I was a supposed to say. "Spending more hours at work than here, in our apartment."

"Hmmm… Whatever!" He gave me a knowing look, which I reciprocated with a glare. He raised both of his arms to signal his surrender.

"Why don't you just buy the booze to make yourself more useful?"

"I am useful, I flirted with that chick at Quinn's office." He defended.

"I said MORE useful, and it's a win-win situation with the chick and the booze."

"Fine." He said and went out the door just in time when Tina stepped in, Mike was in California

"Hey, girl Chang you're just in time! Kurt is ruining my kitchen; the food needs to be salvage."

"Have you heard from her office?" Tina asked while hanging her coat.

"Yes, my girl got it!" I said proudly, greeting Tina with a hug.

"That's great! I'm gonna go to the kitchen now to see what I can do!" She heads straight to the kitchen.

My phone beeped, displaying a call from Quinn, I planned to ignore her call so when she goes home she'll think I'm clueless about her promotion. I turned off my phone after the first call.

"God, I miss this place." Blaine said, walking from the kitchen to leave the chefs do their magic. He sat beside me and I scooted by his side to cuddle.

"Well this place didn't miss you, but I did." I wrapped my arm around him, Blaine's one of the few people I feel safe with. He's my little brother that I get to go home to for 4 years and we had a great platonic relationship.

"Is everything alright?" He asked his voice full of concern.

"Yeah, ofcourse Quinn and I recently shacked up, she's the new Operating Manager, we'll be surprising her and I'm sure she'll love it because she likes to be wooed, her mother will arrive tomorrow which I am a little nervous on how to act around her, but nothing I can't handle."

"Well you just stated the things I already know. You're hiding something from me."

"There's nothing to tell Blaine. I love Quinn and she loves me."

"I know, but when you love you give you're all and I don't want you to get hurt." He hugged me a little tighter.

"Well, I only had one serious relationship and that was way back highschool. I am a different person now." The two relationships are incomparable, I was young and naïve then, I am mature and experienced now.

"You may be a different person, but you're still wearing the same heart."

"Let's not get sentimental in this great day Anderson!" I pulled away from him. "If Quinn is happy, I am happy which she is so I'm good."

"Fine, let's just set up the table. What time will Quinn come home?"

"Puck's new playmate will send him a text when Quinn leaves the office."

Rachel and Brody arrived after Blaine and I finished setting up the table, they brought a bouquet that I asked them to buy for Quinn. After an hour Puck came rushing through the door with a large amount of booze and chips in tow.

"I just receive a call from Lana, she said Quinn's on her way down the building." He said panting, and then he went straight to the fridge to put all the liquor he bought.

Her office is a ten minute walk so we still have time to do some last minute preparation and check if everything is good. When everything seems to be in order, we all went to our places and waited for Quinn in the dark. We were all whispering in the dark when we heard the door cracked open; the whispers stopped and all eyes on the door, all anticipating the light to be on, the signal for all us to greet the blonde. When the person at the door manage to click on the switch.

"SURPRISE!" filled the whole room. The sudden light was blinding, but when my eyes manage the transition, I saw a very happy Quinn Fabray. No one has come close to her because they were expecting me to first greet my girlfriend. I walk towards her with the bouquet at hand; she was in tears when she saw me.  _Tears of joy._

"Congratulations babe, I'm so proud of you!" I hugged her, peck her lips and gave her the flowers. I pulled away immediately because I know the group was also eager to greet her.

After the hugfest and greetings, we all went to the table for Quinn to blow a cake, its Rachel Berry's tradition that if there's an occasion a cake should be blown. I didn't see any logic to it, but everyone seem to be fine with it so I just go with the flow. After the blowing the cake the party had begun, Puck pulled the drinks from the fridge, Blaine turned on the music, while the others scattered in the living room and kitchen catching up. Tina and I were chatting about her and Mike's trip to Paris next month, I got excited because I know that's when Mike will propose to Tina.

"Can I borrow my favorite girl, Tina; you've been keeping her to yourself the whole time. I'm beginning to get jealous." Quinn appeared beside me, intertwining our hands.

"Ofcourse, she's all yours." Tina replied.

Quinn pulled me in to our room, when we were inside she pushed me against the door. She leaned in and gave me a sweet and brief kiss on the lips.

"I was trying to call you earlier to tell you the big news; I was kinda disappointed you weren't picking up. How did you know I got the promotion?" she pouted.

"Let's just say Puck used his charms to infiltrate an important announcement on your office."

"Thank you so much babe! Best surprise ever! How do you want us to celebrate?" she asked playing with the top button of my blouse, making me smirk.

"You know we have visitors."

"I don't care, it's been too long I missed you!" she leaned in again and kissed me aggressively, she slipped her tongue inside my mouth, for a moment I let her circle her expert tongue at the roof of my mouth, before I pushed it back and we fought for battle, I was in Quinntana land a place where Quinn and I only exist. I pulled away after a few seconds because we won't stop, we'll never get out of our room.

"I'm serious babe, we have company, and I don't want to do it when I know people are waiting for us. And knowing Rachel and Tina are a total cockblocker."

"Fine, I think I want to get drunk tonight." She announced.

"Well, it's your night and good thing Puck bought a lot of booze." I said while we exit the room. Quinn went straight to the kitchen to get some drinks; I sat at the couch beside Kurt who was chatting about his wedding plans. The group were all in the living room listening to every detail of information from Kurt, everyone's excited for their wedding, and I can't wait to see my little brother at the altar. They still have half a year to plan the wedding, but from what Kurt was saying it's like their ready to get married tomorrow. Quinn sat beside me holding two cups of liquor; she extended one of her hand to give me the other cup which I accepted.

"I love you, have I said that to you lately?" Quinn whispered in my ear, and then she looked at me in the eyes.

"Ofcourse, you always make sure you say that everyday and I love you too babe." I said in the lowest tone I can give so the others won't hear us. I caressed her left cheek, if were alone I would have kissed her passionately to show her how much I love her, but I don't want an audience so I settled in looking deep in her eyes while caressing her cheek. She took the cup in my other hand and put our cup at the coffee table and scooted over to hug me.

"You're the best girlfriend." She whispered and pulled away to look in my eyes. I don't know what she's trying to convey on the way she looked at me, maybe this is just her showing me how much she appreciated the surprise and my patience lately.

"You don't have someone to compare me with, ofcourse I'm the best." I told her with a wink, still maintaining my low tone of voice.

"God, you sound so sexy right now." she whispered again and then she bit her lower lip, making me smirk and very much aware of what she's trying to say.

"Try to be a little subtle babe." I teased her.

"About what?" she feigned innocence.

"You being horny." Then we heard someone giggled making both of us stop our flirtatious activity and looked up to find Rachel giggling at us. _What did I say? The girl was born to cockblock me._  But then I realize that everyone's attention were on us.

"You're not subtle yourself, Tana!" Blaine teased making everyone laugh.

"Oh God" Quinn blushed then buried her head on my neck in embarrassment.

"We're keeping it low." I defended.

"We are in a hearing distance and we don't need any sound from the way you are eye fucking each other. Smitten kitten?!" Puck said obviously having so much fun in what he has seen.

"You're just jealous." I bantered.

"You know Quinn; you're not someone I peg that will flirt so openly. Santana's rubbing off too much on you." Kurt teased.

"Hey, leave her alone and the "Rubbing off" was too ambiguous Porcelain." I said and everyone laughed.

"Body shots, anyone?" Puck inquired.

"Hell no!" I spat out. Quinn and I were expecting her mother tomorrow so I can't risk having a hangover around Judy. "Can we do something different? Is it going to be body shot always?"

"We didn't even enjoy the last time we had body shots, and it's time to reclaim yourself, feisty Latina, you're losing your touch, don't be a buzzkill!" Puck challenged me.

"Did you just say I'm not badass anymore?!"

"Yes, pretty much."

"Hell, clear the table so we can start the shots!"

"That's my girl." Puck fist pumped such a dork. Quinn kissed me on the cheek because apparently, she likes to have that body shot, and then I realized that it would be our first body shot as a couple. This would be great, why did I even protest?

Tina was paired with Puck. Puck promised to keep it PG and said they'll be the last pair. Rachel and Brody were always so eager to go first and practically did what they did last time; they lick the salt from the neck and drank from their navel and make out after. Puck commented that next time they should try different moves.

Blaine and Kurt were next; Kurt took off Blaine shirt, pushed him on the coffee table to sit. Kurt gave a wedge of lime to Blaine to put on his mouth, and then licked Blaine's navel up to his chest and put trail of salt on it. Then Kurt put the shot glass in the top of Blaine's pants, in between the hem of his pants and belly. Kurt licked down the salt from his partner's chest down to his navel, and then took the shot from Blaine's pants and the lemon on his mouth. Blaine did the same to Kurt; the difference was the salt was from Kurt neck. They received hollers from the group; Puck even commented that Kurt could try that to him too. We were next, Quinn pulled me towards the coffee table, and my blondie was too excited to try our body shots.

"How do you want to do this?" I whispered in her ear and nipped it after. She pulled my shirt off me.

"I want you on all fours on top of the coffee table and after I drink my shot, sit down immediately because I don't want Puck to drool too much on you." She said before pecking my lips. I look at her incredulously; she wants me in that position? Infront of our friends?

"Don't you think that's a little bold?" I said sceptically.

"Seriously, Santana I think Puck is right about your personality wearing off."

"Fine, let's do this." I clipped the wedge of lemon in my mouth and climbed at the table on all fours, giving too much view for Blaine who was standing infront of me. His eyes went wide, making me wink at him seductively. Quinn pushed my lower back a little so it can make room for the shot; she licked my lower back up to my spine slowly while she was squeezing my ass. I threw my head back in pleasure.  _Jesus Christ, this woman will be the death of me!_ Then she sprinkled my back with salt, and then tossed the liquor on my lower back. She licked the trail of salt on my spine, sip the shot on my lower back, when I felt she was done with the drink, I sat up and then she took the lime off my mouth, moaning.

"Holy hell Fabray, what did Santana do to you?" Puck dumbfounded, I just smirked at him. I pulled Quinn to sat at my lap, facing me.

"I know what you're trying to do babe." I said as I look at her in the eyes.

"And what is that?" she asked playing innocent.

"You're seducing me."

"And how am I doing?"

"Two can play this game babe, take off your shirt." I commanded and she complied without taking her eyes off me.

"This is like watching porn, but so much better." I heard Brody remarked from the group.

"Lie down babe." I instructed Quinn, she stood up pulling me to get off the coffee table too, and then she lie down on her back. It took me a few seconds to try to control myself from pouncing at her, I spread her legs so I can kneel between them, I hovered on top of her, and I leaned down and peck her lips before place the lemon in it. I lowered myself to her, our fronts pressed together, our skins touching. I licked and sucked the side of her neck before I put on a salt. I kiss my way down her navel before I pull away to get the glass of tequila, I poured it in her navel. I looked at the msasterpiece infront of me; my girlfriend's such a sexpot. I repeated my licking and sucking her neck and trailed kisses down to dove in to her stomach to indulge the liquor on it, and then I got up to pull her and took the lemon between her lips. Quinn was watching me all the time and I know anytime she'll be losing her self-control. I leaned in to nip the shell of her ear to torture her more.

"I guess, the party's over." I heard Rachel say while pulling her drooling boyfriend out of the door. Tina, Blaine and Kurt followed the couple.

"Nice way to say you needed to be alone. I'll be forever traumatized with the memory." Kurt said comically. Quinn glared at the only person left in the room.

"You know I can stay for the show, I can join in if you both needed help." Puck offered, Quinn threw some used lemons on his face. "What? You were both too willing to show your moves earlier." I pointed at the door and looked at him. "Fine, but if you change your mind you know where to find me."

"OUT!" I ordered him, and he was about to run out of the door, he took my shirt that was on the floor. "Hey! Where are you taking that?"

"I'll be sleeping alone tonight babe, I need something to remember this night."

"Bring that back or I swear, you'll never be invited to any party we are in." Quinn shouted, Puck was already at the door but when he heard what Quinn said he threw my shirt back. "You are such a perv!" Puck smirked and waved to say goodbye, making Quinn sigh.

"Finally, alone!" She pulled me into a hug.

"I think we need to sleep because we're expecting a guest tomorrow."

"What? But the night is just starting." She said flirtatiously.

"I don't think so; we need to sleep early because we have plans for tomorrow." Quinn looked around and turned away from me. "You are such a tease!" she looked frustrated, she walked away to our room.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"I'm doing exactly what you said, I'm sleeping. You, on the other hand, will clean the mess here and the kitchen so we'll be ready for tomorrow."

"What? You're not going to help me?"

"Nope." She was already at the door of our room when she responded. "And by the way, you're going to sleep in the guest room tonight. Good night Santana." She blew me a kissed and closed the door. I run to the door and found out that it was really locked.

"Quinn, you're not being fair!" I knocked. "Open up!"

"I need my beauty sleep Tana! I'll see you tomorrow!" she shouted from inside.

"SERIOUSLY?! If this is a prize from being a responsible girlfriend, I don't want to be responsible anymore!"


	14. Cold Shoulders

**Santana's POV**

I woke up feeling lightheaded; I pulled myself up from the bed and realized that I was not on my own bedroom. The memories of last night flooded into me, I frowned at the thought that Quinn kicked me out of our room just because I didn't want to sleep with her. I understand that we haven't had any for two weeks, but I was just being responsible for both of us. I walked out of the guest room and walked to the kitchen to get an aspirin for my headache. After resting a few minutes, I started to prepare for breakfast. This past few days had been really stressful for Quinn, and I know that Judy visiting us added the weight on her shoulders.

I heard the bedroom door cracked open, Quinn walked out with her phone on her ear, she was talking with someone, must have been her mother but Judy should be in a plane to New York by now.

"Morning babe, that's mom, her flight got delayed. She said she'll probably arrive here around noon." Quinn said after the call, she walk to me and kissed my cheek. "What's for breakfast?"

"I cooked pancakes and bacons. Take a sit, I'll prepare the table." I set up our breakfast and put a bottle of aspirin on the table. "So what time are we going to pick her up at JFK?"

"I told her we'll meet her at the hotel I booked for her, so she'll be checked in when she arrive." She answered nonchalantly.

"I thought she's going to stay with us?" I asked a little surprised with the change of plans that obviously I wasn't informed of.

"We only got two rooms babe, and it'll be much better for her to stay in a hotel."

"But I made an effort setting up the guest room." I rubbed my face with frustration.

"So that when she comes here she'll think it's been occupied for months." That statement only means one thing that she's not ready to come out to her mother.

"When will you tell her about us?" Quinn froze on my question and she set her fork down to looked at me.

"It's too early for this conversation." Quinn said obviously irritated.

"And when is the convenient time for us to talk about this?" I replied with my voice a little high than usual.

"I thought you understand my situation, Tana!"

"I do and I'm not pressuring you, but it would be nice if we talk about this and not leave me in the dark. You can go on with your own pace, but atleast tell me your plans."

"I'm done eating, I'm gonna take a shower. We need to check in at the hotel, I already made a reservation for lunch but I'm moving it for dinner, so I have to make some calls." She stood up and walked towards our room. Making me sighed in disappointment.

"You can't avoid this conversation forever." I called out to her.

"Not forever but I can today."

"Seriously?!" I huffed out. Quinn was always like this since we were young, she grew up in uptight environment, her father ruled with iron hand; her submissive mother who I thought before was just a bobbing head figure in their house because all she does was nod to her husband's words, but I know she cared for her daughters, Judy just wasn't strong enough to fight for their rights. Quinn lived in the idea that to be able to gain her parents approval she needed to be perfect. She needed to be the president of the celibacy club to be able to prove to her parents that she was pure and ideal. She needed to be the captain of the cheerios to prove to her parents that she can attain what her sister attained. She needed to be a straight A student to prove to her parents that they can also be proud of her. She needed to maintain her figure, from a chubby Lucy to a perfect Quinn so that her parents can show her off to their friends rather than making her stay at home when they have to go to social events.

I thought all had changed when her father left them, her mother became more lenient and she seemed to be supportive in Quinn's decision in life. However, I think deep down inside Quinn was still an insecure daughter who doesn't want to disappoint her parents, but if I were right Quinn would be forever stuck inside the closet.

* * *

 

QSQSQSQSQSQSQS

We checked in at the InterContinental Times Square, it's a hotel a few blocks away from our place so that Judy can still be near us. My thoughts are everywhere, I've been thinking of what Judy's visit will bring to my relationship with Quinn.

"What do you think about this room?" Quinn asked after looking around the room we got for Judy.

"Nice." I answered as I sit on the recliner chair besides the bed. Quinn crawled on top of me and straddled my lap.

"You know we should buy a recliner chair, maybe it would be beneficial in the future, if you know what I mean." She whispered in my ears, her hot breath sending shivers on my skin.

"You know recliners other term or synonymous to lazy-boy chairs which are very very beneficial for heterosexual couple, especially men, it's not called lazy boy for something. On the other hand, it would be fun for us but there are better options than a recliner." I informed her me, she pulled away to look at me.

"You were reading a lot in what I said. Yes, it was about the sex, it was how we could have fun on it. What does heterosexuality have to do with it?" she snapped at me.

"Nothing, I was just pointing out that if you want to have fun, there are other options than to buy a recliner chair."

"It's just a chair Tana." She stated irritably, and then she got off my lap to stand. "Why do you have to make a big deal about a freakin' chair?" I sighed in the realization that I wasn't being fair to her.

"I'm sorry, I'm not myself today." I stood up from the recliner chair and walked straight to the door. "I think I need to go."

"What? Where are you going?" She followed me to the door.

"Enjoy your day with your mom Quinn, I'll see you tonight or maybe tomorrow." I held the door but she used her strength to turn me around and hugged me.

"Don't do this Tana, I know what you're doing, please don't run away from, please don't shut me down, and please hold on. I know I've been unbearable that's why you're giving me a cold shoulder. I need you, please." She held me tighter not letting me move from my place.

"Quinn, don't turn the table here. You're the one running away, you're the one shutting me down, and yes, it is becoming unbearable. I understand that the promotion gave you a lot of stress, plus your mother will be arriving, and maybe you feel that I'm pressuring you to come out and tell your mom about us which the truth is, I don't." She loosen her hold a little which I took advantage to pull away, I hold both of her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes. "I love you alright, you're the best thing that ever happened to me for a long time and I'll be stupid to let you go. There are still things in this relationship that we need to change and adjust then we'll be perfect. Right now, I want you to be with your mom just the two of you, so you can focus on her because I know if I'll be there you'll just be cautious of your actions. All you would think about is how we're acting infront of your mom, are we giving away things by our actions? And are we being so obvious? You'll just be worked up and it'll be exhausting seeing you that way, so I'm giving you and Judy a day off alone. I'll see you tonight or you can sleep here tonight too, I know she'll appreciate it." she was crying after I was done rambling. I held her cheeks and wiped the tears with both of my thumb.

"You're the best! You know that?"

"I try!" Then I took the opportunity to lean in and kiss her. The kiss wasn't rushed and isn't also slow, it was in it's perfect pace conveying our promise to each other for more forbearance. She wrapped her arms around my waist to pull me closer.

"I love you." She said after we pulled away.

"I love you too, babe!"

And just in the right timing Quinn phone chimed signalling a call, she looked at her phone and showed me that her mother is calling, I nodded and gave her space to talk to her mom.

"Mom, oh... Yeah… Room 206, right I'll see you." When the call ended she looked at me with bothered eyes. "Mom's already here in the hotel, might at as well stay."

"No, it's okay. I'll just greet her and we'll go separate ways, I'll tell her I've plans for today."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure, I'll be fine. Just promise me you'll enjoy today." I said then kissed her cheek, trying erase the worry in her.

"I promise." She hugged me again, I know she's still a little agitated but trying to calm herself down. We pulled away when we heard a knock on the door. I kissed her temple before I let her go to open the door for Judy.

"Quinnie!" Judy squealed at the sight of her daughter, they both hugged for a long time before Judy saw me and pulled away from Quinn to acknowledge my presence. "Santana, wow, I think New York brings out the best in you, you look amazing." I was taken aback by Judy's compliment, I froze in place not knowing how to react in what she said, I wasn't expecting her to be very cheerful and full of life. "Well, what are you waiting for, come here and give me a hug." I looked at Quinn and she just shrugged, I forced myself to bounce back to life from shock and gave Judy a smile while I walk to her for a hug.

"It's nice to see you Judy." I said after an awkward quick embrace. "But I need to go; I have to run some errands today." I lied, well not exactly because running an errand is a little vague.

"Oh! Are you sure? I was hoping you, me and Quinn can spend the day together." she said a little disappointed.

"You'll be spending a week here, I'm sure we could squeeze in a day together, but today is for the two of you lovelies." I explained and moved towards the door for my exit. "I'll see you soon." But before I get out, she called me out.

"Maybe I can meet the new girlfriend your Maribel is raving about, so I can have stories for her when I go back to Ohio." I nodded with a stoic face and left the room.

_Fuck I'm screwed! Where in the hell will I get a new girlfriend?_


	15. Mother's Instinct

**Santana's POV**

I was sitting in a coffee shop contemplating, I'm glad that Quinn and I had a heart to heart talk before Judy arrived, atleast we addressed some issues in our relationship, if we'll be able to fix it after Judy left, was still something I was not sure of.

The first few months I've been in a relationship with Quinn was pure bliss, it was nothing but excitement, it's like I'm getting to meet this new person, it's like the Ice Queen had melted and beneath the ice was a different kind of person. She was opening up to me little by little, destroying the walls she made between us and finally letting me see how wonderful it was inside her paradise. But when thing's gets tough and a little unbearable, she'd put up that freakin' walls and threw the Great Wall of China between us.

But I'm not perfect myself, I know I'm not that easy to be with as well; I easily get irritated especially when I felt Quinn being closed off, I gave her cold shoulders when I felt she's being a bitch. Sometimes I pretend that everything's fine even though it's the contrary of what was happening.

"Hey!" Someone greeted me, stealing me away from my thoughts, when I looked up I saw a familiar blonde with blue eyes staring at me.

"Hanna! Fancy meeting you outside your office and out of your corporate attire." I greeted my girlfriend's officemate.

"Yeah, it's a nice change huh, can I?" She gestured at the vacant seat across me. I gave her a nod for a silent confirmation that she can take a seat. "So where's our new manager?"

"Celebrating the promotion with her mom." I told her with a shrug. "I'm sorry you did not get the position."

"Tough luck, she gets the girl and she gets the position, it's kinda unfair. But seriously, she deserves the promotion; she gave her best to get it." She admitted genuinely.

"She sacrificed  _a lot_  to get it." I retorted, making her raised an eyebrow at my statement.

"Trouble in paradise?" She placed down her cup of coffee and looked at me intently. "I'm sorry, I know it's a bit personal, I'm just concerned and I realized I haven't seen you at our building for weeks now."

"I understand, but Quinn and I are good. I haven't been picking up Quinn at your office because she works overtime lately, but now that she attained her goal we'll fall back to our old routine." I gave her a tight smile and she gave me a strange look.

"You're deflating, I think there's more in to it and you just don't want to say it to me."

"If I say I'm fine, do you think you can drop it and move on?" I squinted my eyes at her.

"If I say I'll drop it, will you go out and take a walk in the park with me right now."

"I think that's too forward. "

"One can try."

"And one can deny." I bantered.

"Come on, it's a good day out there and your just boring yourself inside this coffee shop, I promise I won't flirt with you a lot." She insisted quirking her eyebrows.

"A lot? Now I'm scared." I gave her a fake scared face and we both laughed after. "Fine, but you need to buy me an ice cream they sell in the central park."

"Deal." Then we both stood up and left the coffee shop to walk in the park.

Hanna and I were walking at the Central Park with the promised Ice cream on hand. Hanna was like Brittany, she would speak out trivial things out of nowhere which are most of the time very funny, she has this positive outlook in life, it's just a breath of fresh air and I would be lying if I say that I didn't enjoy our walk in the park. My phone beeped and I stopped walking to pull my phone out of my pocket, it was a message from Quinn.

**Quinn: I told mom about Austin a few months back and she's asking me about him now. What should I say?**

**Me: Tell her you dump him.** I sighed after I typed a reply for Quinn, making Hanna giving me again a concerned look.

"Is everything alright?" Hanna asked rubbing my forearm. I just nodded in response and then I receive a message from Quinn again.

**Quinn: You're not helping.**

**Me: What? That's the truth right?!**

**Quinn: Mom want us to have dinner tomorrow night, she wants Austin to be there.**

**Me: Are you serious?**

**Quinn: I think I need to ask Austin a favor.** Quinn just kept pushing my buttons and it's really irritating.

**Me: Are you crazy?**

**Me: You know what; do whatever you want to do!**

"Crazy bitch" I breathed out while shaking my head.

"Now you need to tell me what's going on." Hanna said.

"If I tell you everything, will you promise to be my date tomorrow night?"

"I think that's too forward." She reiterated my earlier words which I smirked at.

"One can try." I teased.

"Are you mocking me?" she asked playfully.

"You started it." I shrugged and then both laughed out loud.

* * *

QSQSQSQSQSQS

"Wow! That's kinda fucked up!" Hanna reacted after I told her about my situation with Quinn and her mom. We ate dinner together and decided to go to the nearest bar to get a few shots because I was in the mood for strong drinks.

"You can say that again." I shrugged my shoulder.

"Wow! That's kinda fucked up!" she repeated and we both laughed. "Seriously though, you think Quinn will have the guts to tell her mom about both of you or you think she'll call Austin for another fake date because of her gay panic?"

"I'm not really sure what Quinn's thinking and right now I don't give a damn." I raised my hand to signal the bartender for another drink.

"Do you want me to call a friend of yours to pick you up?" she asked, concerned with how I'm acting.

"Oh... I'm sorry do you have somewhere to go? God I'm becoming insensitive like my girlfriend. Am I keeping you?"

"No… no… It's just what? Your 5th drink in half an hour?"

"It's actually my 6th and I'm fine, you know I'm starting to memorize your concerned face." I told her smirking, I felt a little tipsy but I could still manage.

After staying an hour in the bar and ranting about my relationship, Hanna decided that I had enough in my system and she literally pulled me out of the bar. Hanna was impressed when she found out that I can still stand and walk at my own considering the amount of shots I took. She offered to walk me home which I declined but the girl was really persistent.

"You know we should do this again in the future." I told her when we were a few blocks away from my apartment.

"Sure, if Quinn hasn't murdered me by then."

"She'll be surprise at first but she'll understand."

"Have you seen how intense your girlfriend glares at me, I mean if looks could kill, she would have murdered me the first time I laid my eyes on you." She joked.

"So this is me." I told her when we were on the building of my apartment. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" but before she replied I heard someone called my name from behind Hanna, I adjusted to see who was calling me and to my surprise it was Judy with Quinn. Hanna turned around and I saw how Quinn's eyes got wide when she saw her officemate with me.

"Quinn" Hanna nodded at Quinn to acknowledge my girlfriend's presence and looked at the Judy. "You must be Quinn's mom, I'm Hanna!" She extended her hands which Judy took and gladly shook it.

"And I'm Judy, you must be Santana's girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend." Hanna stated which threw my hope of pretention out the window. "We don't want to label our relationship just yet." She looked at me and took my hand to squeeze it, atleast that's not a big fat lie.

"What are you two doing here?" I asked, changing the topic.

"I'm just here to get some clothes because I decided to sleep at the hotel tonight." Quinn replied coldly.

"I'm just here to drop Santana off, she drunk a lot tonight." She was looking at Judy but I know she was explaining it to Quinn.

"You're Drunk?" Quinn asked angrily.

"I had a few shots, just a little tipsy but I'm fine."

"Thank you for taking care of her Hanna." Quinn pulled me out of Hanna's grasp and dragged me inside our building.

"Bye Hanna!" I waved at her while Quinn was dragging and Judy following our suit. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked Quinn angrily while making sure Judy was out of earshot.

"Austin turned me down, he was so polite to tell me that it was sweet of me to consider him, but he doesn't want to hurt you."

"Good for him." I commented and pulled my hand harshly from Quinn's grasp. When we entered our shared apartment, we were both full of emotions, I'm tipsy and tired, and I know Quinn was emotionally and physically tired.

"What's going on girls?" Judy asked, obviously picking up the vibe in the room.

"Quinn's not a good fan of Hanna. They're officemate and Hanna was the one who was head to head against Quinn for the promotion." I explained, it was not exactly the reason why Quinn dragged me but atleast I wasn't lying on Quinn not liking Hanna.

"Oh." Judy replied in surprise.

"Mom, can you wait here, I'll just get some things and talk to Tana in private." Quinn said, pulling me with her to our bedroom. When we entered our room, she let go of me and started pacing. "What am I gonna do? I can't convince Austin."

"Just tell your mom he's an asshole and he's really busy."

"She won't buy that."

"How'd you know? You haven't tried yet."

"Mom would think that I'm just hiding Austin and she would insist on seeing him."

"Well, you're really hiding, just not Austin. Why don't you just tell her and stop stressing yourself."

"I thought we talked about this. I'm not ready to come out yet!"

"Whatever Quinn, I'm just pointing out that you're creating a big mess here. You're freaking out just because Austin declined; there are a lot of things to do with your mom. Meeting Austin isn't the reason why Judy visited." I said a little irritated of her attitude. "I'll go outside and entertain Judy while you pack your things here." I walked out the door and wore a smiley face for Judy not to suspect anything. I sat at the couch and laid my head back to lessen my dizziness.

"Everything alright?" Judy asked a few minutes later.

"Yeah, Quinn's just being Quinn." I told her nonchalantly, she gave me a lip tight smile. I sat up straight so I can look at her because it felt like she wanted to say something.

"These past few months, she seems a little laid back and it feels like she finally found some happiness but when I got here, she went back to being uptight and edgy. Do you think I make her uncomfortable with my presence?" Judy ended her question with a melancholic tone, which made me feel sorry for her because she came here to spend some time with her youngest daughter, but she isn't even getting enough attention that she should get. Quinn was too busy stressing out on things that she forgot how to make her mother's stay in New York worthwhile.

"The promotion took a toll on her sanity." I joked and we both laughed. "What did you do all day?" I asked a little curious on how Judy spend her first day with her basket case daughter.

"We chat the whole afternoon, which consist of me talking a lot and her listening, she only talks to me when I ask her things. Then we went to dine in a restaurant she booked a few days back."

"Well that's kinda boring." I remarked.

"I went here to spend some time with Quinn, and I got what I came here for, that's enough for me." Her words made me sober, she was settling on just wanting to see and spend time with Quinn, when I know deep inside her, she came to visit so she can have a glimpse of her daughter's life.

"What's your plan for tomorrow?" I asked a little curious of what Quinn had in stored for her mother.

"She said she'll take me shopping, eat out and then dinner with some of your friends."

"That's how you're spending your Sunday here in New York? That's lame, How about I take you out tomorrow, forget shopping! You can do that when Quinn and I are at work." I offered, Judy gave me a big grin but her face fell after a few seconds.

"I know you're just doing this to compensate Quinn because you feel she's emotionally pre-occupied right now, you don't have to do this Santana."

"I am Quinn's best friend, I don't just feel she's neglecting you, I know she's neglecting you; so I insist, I'm not just doing this for you, I am also this for Quinn. She would eventually come to her senses and when she does atleast she knows that you've been taken care of."

"You really love her, don't you?"

"I... I do, she's my best friend." I said defensively, she was about to say something when Quinn walked out our bedroom.

"Sorry, took me too long, I just called up Kurt and Rachel to confirm our dinner tomorrow. So, what did I miss?" Quinn asked when she got out of our room.

"Quinnie, you didn't tell me Santana is such a sweetheart."

"She is?" Quinn asked, she looked curiously at her mom then to me. "Yeah, I guess she is when she tries." Not taking her curious eyes away from me, making roll my eyes at her. "I think we need to go mom, it's getting late."

Judy stood up, gave me a hug, whispered that she'll think about my offer, and then went out the door. Quinn gave me a kiss on the cheek and followed her mom, leaving me alone in the apartment.

I was laying on my bed alone, sleeping without Quinn for the second time in a row. I don't just felt naked without her, I also felt empty; it was a strange combination, but it was how I felt that night. The nakedness was from pain of Quinn being away for the first time since we got together, it was not just the physical distance but also emotional. I felt that we're drifting apart and I'm holding on too tightly at her and she just wanted to go with the flow and drift away. I know, I'm being paranoid, but loneliness can give you a lot of time to think of crazy things. Maybe that's why a lot of long distance relationship doesn't last long because they spend a lot of time alone, lonely, a lot of time to think and do crazy things. Before I resigned myself to the night I texted Quinn that I love her, and let some tears fell as I close my eyes.

I woke up blinded by the ray of sun that was not filtered by the curtain. By the sound of horns from the busy streets and by the heat radiated inside my bedroom, it looks like I slept all through the morning. My head throbbed in pain cause by the alcohol I consumed last night, and there's sickening feeling in my stomach probably because of hunger. I picked up my phone from the night stand and scanned through my messages, but found nothing. I sighed heavily at the thought of Quinn not even saying goodnight to me, but I know she was tired last night and I don't want to think too much because I already did a lot of that last night. Instead of waiting for a message, I was the one who composed a message to her saying that I just woke up and would probably just meet them tonight at dinner. I prepared my food to compensate my hunger and took a bath after. After I dried my hair, I laid in bed again to rest my aching head. I fell asleep again for hours and woke up startled with the sound of my chiming phone. I sat up immediately to get it.

"Where the hell are you?" Quinn greeted me with a very high pitch voice, something not really appreciated by people who just woke up. "We're all here at Alex's restaurant, even Hanna is here. I've been trying to contact you for hours now!" Quinn continued with the same tone of voice when she heard no response from me.

"I slept all day, I lost track of time, I'm sorry." I said my voice hoarse from sleep.

"Well, get your ass here because we're all waiting, your date is being interrogated by mom and it's freaking me out."

"Okay, calm down, I'll be there in a few." I said dismissively and ended the phone because I know she'll just rant and that will take time. I'd rather use my time in preparing than to stay in the phone with an angry Quinn. It only took me a few minutes to prepare and head out to hail a cab going to Alex's. Half an hour after Quinn's call I was inside Alex's restaurant, striding my way up the second floor, in our usual rendezvous.

"Not yet late for dessert." Blaine commented cheerfully when she saw me.

"I thought I took and aspirin before I go to bed last night, I didn't realize it was sleeping pills." I joked, while taking a sit between Hanna and Quinn.  _Talk about awkward situation._  "Hey." I greeted Hanna who smiled widely and I turned my head to the other side to greet Quinn and Judy. I looked around to smile at the other people at the table Kurt and Rachel without her boyfriend Brody, seemed like they were prepped by Quinn about Hanna being present in our dinner. My plate was served a few minutes after I sat, but I was not really hungry to eat so I turned my attention to Hanna. "Hey, can we talk privately." I whispered at her, she stopped from nibbling her food and nodded. I stood up and excused Hanna and myself, Quinn glared at me which I just ignored. I pulled Hanna's hand and walked with her in the bathroom.

"Is everything okay?" Hanna asked after I locked the bathroom door, she was giving me that concerned look I'm being accustomed to, which made me kinda smile.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just want to say sorry for being late. How did you get here?" I asked her.

"I was waiting for your call this afternoon, but you didn't call. I thought you had cold feet, then angry Quinn called asking if you were with me, when I told her that you're not, she just reminded me about the dinner and gave me the info of where and what time. So I figured that since Quinn seems to invite me, why not go."

"Right, are they fine with you being here at dinner?"

"Yeah, Quinn's mom is so sweet. Everyone seems cool and pretended that they know me for a while. I think Quinn gave them a heads-up." She explained.

"Hanna, I don't know how to thank you for this. I owe you big time." I told her while I hug her. We pulled away when we heard a knock on the door, there's no doubt as to whom the person was at the back of the door, it was Quinn who had her arms crossed when I opened the door, glaring at Hanna and me.

"Took you too long to open the door." Quinn said, obviously intimidating us.

"It was hard to put my shirt back on." I answered sarcastically. I turned around to clasp Hanna's hand so we can leave, but Quinn blocked our way. "What are you doing Quinn?" I asked her in an irritated tone.

"You arrive at dinner late, you haven't touched your food just to speak to her privately, and now you're avoiding me. What's your deal?"

"Nothing, I just want to apologize and thank Hanna at the same time, I can't tell her that infront of your mom, you know." I retorted, Quinn's jealous of Hanna and I know that, but she shouldn't have invited Hanna over if she knew she can't keep her feelings in check.

"And you're avoiding me now because?" I shook my head in frustration at Quinn's question. I looked at Hanna who'd been nervously shifting from foot to foot.

"I want Hanna out of this fiasco Quinn, she doesn't deserve it, and we owe her that atleast." I glared at Quinn and pulled Hanna away from my girlfriend, we walked pass our friends and Judy, and went out of the restaurant without even saying goodbye.

"I worsen everything by coming huh?!" Hanna told me when were in a cab to her place.

"No, I'm really sorry about tonight, I just don't want to stay in the table and pretend that we're together while I also sit beside my real girlfriend. It happened before and I know what it felt, I don't want Quinn to feel the pain I felt before when she pretended to date Austin. I was actually saving her feelings, but she doesn't understand."

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"By the way she's acting earlier do you think she would have listened to me?"

"No, I guess not." She answered thoughtfully. I dropped her off her place and bid our farewell, then directed the cab driver to our place.

When I got out of the taxi my phone beeped indicating a message, it was from Quinn, saying that they were inside the apartment and Judy wants to talk to us. I made a dreadful walk to our apartment, there was the fear of the unknown and I wished that Judy wasn't mad just and confused, or maybe she wanted to talk about her daughter's behavior. I took my time walking, stalling on the conversation that would take place. When I gathered enough courage to face the two blondes, I entered the apartment wearing a brave face. Quinn was sitting on the couch crossed arms and Judy was pacing.

"Santana, we were waiting for you." Judy said when she saw me coming.

"I dropped Hanna off her apartment, what's going on?" I asked as I sat beside Quinn, Judy stopped pacing and stood infront of Quinn and me. It felt like we were back in high school and I was preparing myself for some scolding. So I looked at my lap feeling intimidated by Judy's authoritative action.

"I know you two are together." Judy admitted making me looked up at her with wide eyes.

 


	16. Exodus

**Santana's POV**

"Mom, it's not what you think. Santana and I are not together." Quinn replied quickly, denying the relationship we have. I shouldn't feel hurt because I know Quinn was not ready to come out to her mom and admit to her that we are together, but it hurts, it hurts like freakin' hell that Judy already said that she knew about us. Judy doesn't look angry, a little indifferent but I think that's a good thing rather than her being enraged about the topic. But she still denied us, our relationship, and our love.

"Come on Quinnie, I knew before I came to New York. If Santana has a new girlfriend, why would you move in with her? Except if you are her new girlfriend. And my conclusion was solidified when you been acting strange whenever Hanna is around, and Austin was a no show." Judy explained calmly. "And I know whenever you're keeping something from me, you've been really distant and that only means one thing you have a secret which you don't want me to find out. I'm not mad at this Quinnie, I just want the truth."

"There's nothing to tell mom, you're just overthinking and obviously overreacting. Nothing special is happening here." Quinn spat out angrily. Judy surrendered her fight by slumping at the coffee table infront of us. I sat observing the mother and daughter interaction, I realized that Judy was ready to accept Quinn whatever choice her daughter makes; Quinn on the other hand, was not just ready to come out to her mother, but she was also not ready to accept herself. I know Quinn loves me; I have no doubt about that. But right now, love's not enough for her to stand by her choice. To be loud and proud of her choices.

"Santana." Judy called which snapped me out of my reverie. "Do you have anything to say?" Judy asked with pleading eyes, it was very apparent in her face that she's asking me to confirm her conclusion. I looked at Quinn who was also looking at me with the same intensity. My words would ratify Quinn or Judy's words. It would be a period that would end this conversation, a confirmation or a denial is in my hands. I was really getting tired of this and I felt that I needed some break from this fiasco. I looked down and released a breath I've been holding in since the start of the conversation.

"Quinn and I…" I started; I raised my head and closed my eyes. "We're not together. It's an absurd conclusion; I don't see myself spending _forever_  with a woman like your daughter." I gave a fake laughed and stood up to walk straight to the bedroom, after I closed the door my knees trembled from too much emotion, I leaned back and let my body slide down at the door same as the tears to fall. I didn't realize I was sobbing so hard, I hugged both of my knees to feel a little comfort, the only comfort I can get right at the moment. Quinn's voice echoed _we're not together_ ; the truth was I was not expecting her to deny me because I was not expecting a confrontation with Judy. I was expecting of Quinn to act distant, acting like we're just friends, but I didn't expect that if confronted with the truth she would outright deny me, us, our love.  _Nothing special is happening here_ , I covered both of my ears as another statement from Quinn echoed, I wanted her voice to get out of my head because it's just messing me up _. How could one person be the reason of your existence and be the reason of your pain at the same time?_

There was a lot of question came in my mind. What the hell happened to me in Quinn in such a short period of time? How could I let Quinn hurt me this way? Was the pain worth all this?

This was the very reason why I avoided relationship for a long time.  _Relationship is messy_ , I was saving myself to get hurt, I was refraining myself from pain. But  _Quinn was inevitable_ , after a few months of relationship with Quinn, I felt that I was destined to love her, she was meant to be with me. That I may have harboured some feelings for her since we're young, that's why we didn't stop the first time we slept together and continued it to friends with benefit, and we were really headed to fall in love. But…

* * *

QSQSQSQSQSQSQS

**Quinn's POV**

When Santana walked out from our conversation, mom saw how sad Santana was; I knew they're both displeased with how I acted. Mom caught me off guard by her question and I wasn't able to form coherent answer in my mind when my defensive instinct kicked in, and that was to deny my relationship with Santana. I regretted it the moment " _we're not together"_  left my mouth, but it was already said and done so I just had to stand my ground.

"You know we're not the same family as before Quinnie, you don't have to hide from me." Mom said after a few minutes of silence. "I know and you don't have to hide from me, I'm not disappointed, just a little hurt that you don't trust me." She confessed with sad eyes, I felt guilty of hurting the people I love because I was too closed off, too defensive, too afraid to get hurt. "I'm just at the hotel if you need me; I think you need to fix things with Santana." She stood from the coffee table, gave me a quick hug and walked away.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I really messed up this time and I know Santana's hurt. I walked towards our room but when I was about to turn the knob I heard loud sobs, I put an ear against the door, I found out that Santana was just a few inches away from me, maybe just behind the door. I sat at the floor and leaned my back behind the door. I listened to Santana's sobs, I never really heard her cried like that before and hearing it was just so heart breaking especially when I know I caused that pain to her. The tough Latina was just a façade, beneath was a caring and sensitive beautiful woman who would do anything for me, I knew that but still I chose to hurt her. I touched the surface of door that was between us, wishing it was Santana I was touching, wishing I could comfort her right now, ease a pain that I inflicted. There was a wall between us now, and our position showed how ironic life was.

"I know you're there." I guess I was too caught up with my thoughts and I didn't realize that she stopped sobbing. She opened the door holding a towel; she looked down at me and smiled. I was taken aback by her actions; shouldn't she be mad at me? I stood up and saw that her eyes were sore from crying, I was about to hold her face when she shoved the towel to my extending hands. "Why don't you take a shower before sleeping, I'll have to eat first because I'm really starving." She said nonchalantly while she walked pass by me. My eyes followed her, she's acting like nothing happened and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad one, but I decided to do what she said and entered the bathroom to take a quick shower.

When I finished Santana was not in the kitchen, so I just went straight to our bedroom but she was not there too. I put on some clothes first before I looked for her, I searched for her in the other room but she's not there as well, I was starting to get worried and was about to go back to our room to get a jacket and looked for her outside when I heard tapping by the fire escape. I slowly walked towards the fire escape which I didn't notice earlier that was slightly open. I peeked in and saw Santana pacing at the fire escape, with her phone on her ears, she was speaking with someone, whispering would be the right term for it, her face shows that their talking something serious. Did Santana made me shower so she can sneak out to talk someone without me knowing? With that thought in mind, I opened the door and stepped out to the fire escape, Santana froze for a moment and quickly said goodbye to whomever she was talking.

"Hey! Who were you talking too?" I asked her, I put my hands both of my waist a mannerism I developed in high school from cheerios when I'm confronting someone.

"I called mom, I just wanted to hear her voice, we had a nice chat and I told her I am going to take a week off and fly home to Ohio."

"A week off?" I asked a little surprise. "When are you planning to tell me this?"

"It was kind of spontaneous, I called up just to have a little chat and then I realized that I missed my folks and decided to file a leave tomorrow to go to Ohio." She said a little impassive. She walked towards me and hugged me. "You know I love you, right?" She hugged me tighter, it felt she was question was ambiguous.

"Ofcourse." I replied and she gave me a little squeeze and walked away, which was kind of weird because usually Santana would kiss my temple or lean in for a kiss and pull me towards our room. But she just walked out on me, leaving me alone in the fire escape. She's leaving for a week and I don't know what to feel about that. She didn't even ask me if I wanted to go with her. She's a little distant, but that's something I expected because of what happened earlier.

I walked inside the apartment after a few minutes, when I get inside our room, Santana was already tucked in and her eyes closed. Sat at my side of the bed and sighed.

"I was hoping we could talk about what happened tonight." I know she's not asleep yet, and I don't know if she acted asleep so she can avoid the talk. She sat up and sighed as well.

"I'm sorry about Hanna."

"I don't want to talk about Hanna." I replied irritatingly, why does she think this was about Hanna? I mean, I wanted to talk, but does Hanna have to be the first thing to come out of her mouth?

"I wanna be able to cover everything that happened tonight and that includes Hanna being in the dinner and us storming out together. That was a total dick move of me and I'm sorry. I just want to get that off my chest even if you don't want to talk about her." she said sternly and I rolled my eyes at her persistence.

"Since we're already in the apology department, I'm also sorry for denying you infront of mom."

"Yeah, well that's your prerogative." She said dismissively.

"Which you are not taking lightly." I retorted which made her laugh.

"That is not something to take lightly, what do you want me to feel? Do you want me to be proud of you for denying me? Look, I understand that you're not ready to tell your mom yet, but I can't say I was not hurt."

"I don't know what to do anymore Santana, I feel like whatever step I make it will be a mistake." She scooted beside me and held my face, after a few seconds she leaned in and kissed me. From an indifferent, to distant, to angry, to sarcastic and now to a caring Santana; she's sending me mixed signals I cannot comprehend. But who am I to deny her tender lips pressed against mine, I kissed back but not taking it any further than a kiss because I didn't know what she was trying to convey with her actions. I wanted her to take control because I was clueless in what her intentions were. She pulled away from me and looked at me in the eyes with too much intensity. She still wore the sadness I saw on her earlier when she walked from mom and I. Bloodshot eyes from crying drilled its way to my soul and for a moment I felt scared in how she was looking at me.

"I'm sorry." She spoke out, but before I can even fathom my feelings to her words she leaned in again for a kiss, this time putting more pressure against my lips, more passion. She pushed me so I could lay my back on the bed, and she moved on top of me and sat at my lap. I looked up at her, observing her as she slowly worked to unbutton my plaid shirt, her hands stopped at the last button. I realized that she was not taking her time on unbuttoning my shirt but she was preoccupied with something. I extended my hand to hold her, but my actions must have waken her senses, she immediately pulled my shirt off me making the last button ripped off and fell on the floor.

"Santana" I called her out with my voice full of concern. She wasn't looking at me in the eyes; she was just looking down at my exposed body. She didn't respond, she wasn't with me, her thoughts were wandering somewhere else. She pulled away and kneeled at the edge of the bed, she was taking off her shirt when I sat up and called her again. She threw her shirt and crawled towards me.

"I'm sorry." She apologized again when our faces were just inches away from each other. Looking at me in the eye that tells me that her attention was back to me. She unbuttoned my pants and pulled it off leaving me with only my laced undergarments. I leaned forward to capture her lips, while taking her pants off too. She pushed me again so my could lay down on the bed, she hovered above me kissing my temple down to my cheeks and back to my lips again, while her hands was roaming around my body. The trail of her touch left my skin burning; my body was craving for her to touch more. I want more of her, so I pulled her closer to me, making our legs intertwined, giving more of her skin touching mine. Her kiss trailed down to my neck; biting, nipping and sucking my pulse which took my breath away, while she unclasp my bra. Her touch and kisses were so intense and all I could do was hold on to her tightly.

We made love all night, if I would be making a list, it would be on the top of our most passionate night, maybe because it's been more than two week since we slept together, and maybe it was the anticipation of my body to be touched by her after two stressful weeks. Maybe because Santana was usually loud and would vocally voice out what she feels and what she wanted to do, but all night she was silent. When we make love, she would usually cuss and make dirty talks, but all night she just bit her lips sexily, moaned and whimpered. I came shouting her name, eyes opened as same as hers, speaking silently of our love to each other. We cuddle after, and I fell asleep with Santana humming in my ears.

" _I love you so much Quinn, I'm sorry!"_

I woke up with the beeping of the alarm clock at the night stand; I had a weird dream last night, my dream was mixed up with the night's event. I dreamt that Santana was sobbing and packing her things while I only lay on bed doing nothing to stop her. She walked away from me, telling she loves me so much and she's sorry she can't stay. Maybe it was just my subconscious dreading on Santana going to Ohio for a week. I mean we never been apart for that long. It would be a really hard week without Santana. I patted Santana's side of the bed and found it empty. She must have woken up early, I sat up and I immediately smelled the aroma of a coffee, Santana already prepared breakfast. I stood up and put some clothes on, when I walked out of our bedroom I was greeted by my mom on the couch.

"What are you doing here this early?" I asked mom, confused as to how she's here so early. "I thought you're spending the day with your old friends who are here in New Year?"

"That was the plan but I was worried that when you didn't call last night, so I decided to drop by early before you go to work."

"Mom, everything's fine, you don't need to worry." I said as I walked to the kitchen. "Have you seen Santana?" I got my mug and poured in some coffee.

"She already left in a hurry; she was talking too fast, she said something about an early flight she booked." Mom said thoughtfully, rubbing a hand on her face.

"What?" Then I remembered my dream.  _Santana crying, packing and saying goodbye_. The mug I was holding slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor. I just stood there frozen, I felt lightheaded.  _This could not be happening._

"Quinnie, are you alright?" Mom hurried to my side, seeing my anxious look.

"I… I think Santana left me."


	17. Grief

**Quinn's POV**

_**Shock and denial for minutes** _

_For a minute, everything seemed to be surreal, my heart dropped along with the cup of coffee I was holding, air seemed to be scarce and I had to grasp for air a few times to fill my lungs. It was just a dream, I just have to wake up and to open my eyes, and I know she will be there. She's not gone._

I tried calling her but it just went straight to voicemail, I figured maybe she's still in a plane on her way to Ohio. She would call, I tried to convince myself. I was attempting to wrap my head around this whole thing. Santana packing her things and leaving without saying goodbye, I mean, I know where she was going but the fact that she just fled in the morning without telling me says a lot. There's an explanation, I say to myself, there should an explanation. Santana would not leave me, she would not run away. She promised.

I didn't have to tell mom, she already knew. I was just stupid enough to deny everything when it was so obvious. Mom didn't get mad, she just held my hands and tried to calm me down, and she said I was just overthinking that everything's fine. I wish she's right.

_**Adjusting to the loss and an upward turn for hours** _

_After an hour, breathing was normal again, everything seemed to be a little calmer, my brain started to function normally, but I now it was like I am in the eye of the storm, in the middle of the mass severe weather and anytime soon chaos will invade my mind again._

Unfortunately, I needed to go to work, I needed my life to continue even if I just want to breakdown and cry until Santana comes back. There was still no news from Santana, I called up her office and they said she called her supervisor that morning and filed for an emergency leave. For how long? They didn't know. I made myself busy with the tasked I been given at work, but the anxiety kicked in every idle time. I called up Rachel and told her what happened the night before and that Santana left without saying goodbye. Like mom, Rachel adviced me not to overthink things and that Santana would call. But hours passed by and I haven't heard anything from my girlfriend.

After work, I found mom waiting for me at the lobby of my office, she already checked out from the hotel and told me that she'll stay with me for a while. I asked her if she got a hold of Santana, but she just shrugged and told me that I just have to wait when Santana's ready. For a second, I felt that mom's keeping something from me that she knew a lot more than she let on, but I've erased my doubt immediately because it was the doubt in me that mom would not accept me, that made everything complicated. Maybe I need to start to build a relationship with my mother and let her in to my life, atleast something positive could come out with Santana leaving.

At the end of the day there was no Santana to wait for me when I arrive home, no calls from her, nothing and I felt myself crumbling in to pieces.

She's gone and it's my entire fault.

_**Pain and guilt for days** _

_As shock died down pain took place, an excruciating and unbearable kind of pain. And there was no one to point fingers at except from myself, it was me who pushed her away. If I was just brave enough, if I wasn't stupid Santana would be here. Frustration kept sinking in every minute she's gone, I wanted to lash out, scream out loud until she hears me. Life without her seemed to be chaotic and scary._

When 24 hours had passed and there was still nothing, Rachel called in our friends for an emergency meeting. Tina, Blaine, Kurt and Puck came bringing their own opinion on the table. There was mixed opinion, mostly Kurt and Rachel did the talking. Rachel said that I was wrong with my conclusion that Santana left me when she said that she was visiting Lima for a week, Kurt agreed to that and said that maybe Santana needed to think things through because she got hurt. Tina and Blaine were just quietly seated on the couch; Blaine gave me a worried look, I know he's disappointed with me for hurting Santana, they're close, I know he's one of Santana's loyal friends. Tina, on the other hand, kept glaring at my direction, she may not voice it out but I know she's mad at me, and I can't blame her. That made me remember how Santana and I had different opinion about Tina; she would always say how diva Tina was and she thinks that Tina's a Chinese gothic witch which I thought was a ridiculous thing because for me Tina was a sweet and thoughtful friend. But when Tina looked at me with that frown etched on her face, her crossed arms and that glare that I can't almost see her eyes, it made me cringe inside. It was a different feeling having had someone glare at me like that, I used to be the one who inflict terror and fear now I was the at the receiving end of a glare. How time had passed and tables have turned, now I understand why Santana thinks she's a diva and why Mike's scared of her. While Tina and Blaine was obviously on Santana's side, and Rachel and Kurt was on my side which I think they were only siding at me because they just want to pacify me, Puck stayed quiet, he didn't voice out anything and was a little indifferent, but when Rachel and Kurt stopped consoling me with comforting words, Puck stood up and sat at the coffee table infront of me.

"I've talked to her." He admitted; his face didn't show any emotion. "I think I'm not the only one who got a hold of her." He nodded at Blaine and Tina's direction. "Santana blocked your phone number and maybe Rachel and Kurt also." That made the two sneered simultaneously. The thought that atleast someone from the group had a contact with Santana gave me hope.

"Is she alright? What did she say? When is she coming back?" There was this bullet train of questions running in my head that I want to voice out all at once, but I just really want to know how she was.

"She didn't say much, she just wanted you to be taken care of while she's gone." I don't know if I will to happy or be sad at that.

"Nothing more?" I inquired hoping that some more.

"Nothing more." He confirmed. That brought my tears back, my mom rushed at my side to comfort me, after a few minutes my mother sent them home. They gave me a hug and bid me farewell, while Tina huffed and walked away without giving me a hug. It wasn't irritating, actually if Santana was present she would have commented about how Tina was summoning Rachel Berry in her again, but then again they wouldn't be visiting me if Santana was here.

If Santana was just visiting Ohio she'll be back in a week. I can endure a week, I think.

_**Hope and bargaining for a week** _

_My emotions could be a great motivator at times and a great enemy at other times, sometimes I feel joyful; sometimes I grieve. Sometimes I feel bold; sometimes intimidated. Sometimes I feel triumphant; sometimes completely and utterly physically and emotionally exhausted. I was in an emotional roller coaster; I think I was beginning to be a bipolar. But at the end of the day I was clinging on the hope that this will be over in a week, Santana will be back in a week, or so I thought._

I kept myself busy at work, I was the new Operating Manager and there was a high expectation from me. I needed to put myself together and do my freakin' job while I was breaking inside. But I was still thankful because my job was a big distraction, something that kept me sane.

Rachel made it her duty to be my lunch date for a week, she said she wanted to make sure I was eating properly; I told her that it was absurd, but I complied because I know Rachel could also be a distraction, and thankfully she was. Kurt called every day the whole week, he asked how my day goes, and how was lunch with Rachel. I was so lucky to have such a support system and wondered if how Santana was coping.

Mom and I were getting along well, she still gave me those sad look but never voice it out. It was like high school again, that time after dad left and it was just me and her. One night I opened up to her about how Santana and I ended up together. She just listened, she didn't question nor didn't gave me a disapproving look, but surprisingly smiled at me when I told her I that I love Santana so much and that it's important for me that she'll be happy in my decision.

"Santana is good for you, but I think she's not coming back soon." She told me, then she kissed on my temple, and walked inside the guest room.

And mom was right a week had passed and there was no Santana.

_**Anger, depression and loneliness for Weeks** _

_After weeks, I was hit by the full impact of loss and it depressed me; there was a void inside that kept larger and larger each day. If at first I was convincing myself that she'll be back, I sort of accepted that she's not coming back soon and maybe she's never coming back. There was nothing but hopelessness._

I tried calling up Santana's office and they said that she was not available to talk, I tried to ask if she's there or if she's still on a leave but they didn't give me any information to confirm or deny my inquiry. I tried calling Santana for the hundredth time but there was still nothing from her.

I called up Blaine and Puck, if they've talked to Santana. Blaine said he never lost contact with Tana which I must add he said sarcastically, Puck also confirmed of talking with her; but they both said nothing aside from the fact that they did talk to her.

Kurt still called every day, updating me of news about his wedding, and then he would ask about work. He never brought up Santana in to the conversation; we never talked about her except if I opened it up to him. That I missed her terribly, how she liked to pick me up at work and engaged a little conversation with Hanna just to make me jealous. How she liked to prepare dinner because I was a terrible cook. One time, I even told him the story how I convinced Santana to make me move in with her which Kurt thought was a very clever move. Because of Kurt, I was updated with each and every friend in glee club except from Santana.

I learned from Kurt that when Mike and Tina went to Paris, Mike pop the big question to Tina, Tina called everyone except me. Kurt also said that Tina talked highly of Santana, that Santana was the one who gave an idea for Mike to propose in the most romantic city in the world, that it was Santana who adviced Mike to not be pressured of Tina and put his energy on giving her, her dream wedding which Mike promised to give Tina. That's why I was surprised when Rachel got Tina to have lunch with us one day.

"I heard Mike proposed, Congratulations!" I said enthusiastically to break the silence that had been bottling up since the three of us started eating.

"Thanks." She dismissively said. Rachel smiled at me, nudge her and whispered for her to behave which unfortunately wasn't silent enough for not to hear.

"So when's the wedding?" I asked with curiosity because Kurt and Blaine would only be a few months from now. She sighed dramatically rolling her eyes, Santana would have snarled at her reaction if she was here, I said to myself. I raised an eyebrow when she didn't reply. Rachel cleared her throat.

"Um… Mike and Tina are waiting for someone before they set up a date." Rachel said cautiously. I stared at Rachel who seemed to be hiding something. Then it hit me.

"Oh… Well, all of us are waiting for her." I said with a shrug that made Rachel glare at Tina and vice versa. Santana would have fun seeing that.

After an awkward lunch Rachel and Tina bid farewell, it was the first time Tina hugged me goodbye after Santana left. That was progress.

It was 3 weeks and a few days since Santana left; mom and I were making some progress. I felt I finally opened up to mom, I told her things about Santana, and she would always listen and intently and never said anything in return. For the past few days, it was always  _Santana this, Santana that, Santana would have love that, I hope Santana's here to see that,_ thatcomes out of my mouth. And I knew people were getting fed up. That's why I knew when mom opened her mouth it was to call me out on my Santana obsession.

"We need to talk." Mom started.

"Mom." I tried to brush her off.

"No, I need to do this, I need to talk and you need to listen." She said firmly, and all I can do was blink back at her.

"She's not coming back and you need to move on"

"No! What are you even talking about? You don't know anything." I spat out angrily.

"I… I have something to confess sweetie." My eyes went wide to the pet name she just called me, whenever she called me that, it was always followed by a bad news. She stared at me in the eye with cautiousness.

"Just let it out mom." I impatiently told her.

"I was the one Santana was speaking with on the phone the night before she left."

"What?!" I was a bit confused, the phone call that Santana took at the fire escape? It wasn't her mother, but my mother?

"I advised that maybe she needed some time to think, I told her I'll take care of you while she's gone. She calls every single day since she left; I update her in what's happening here. But…"

"But what mom?" I was enraged, it was her all along. This was all her fault.

"But she stop calling, it's been 3 days since she last called and I don't think she's in Lima anymore."

"Santana's not in Lima anymore." I repeated her words.

I locked myself in the room after the conversation with my mom. When I thought I couldn't get my heart broken anymore, when it was already torn apart and thrown out the window, mom's admission made it felt like it was run over by a car for another beating. The whole time she knew where Santana was, the whole time she had been talking with Santana, she knew I was worried sick of how Santana was doing but she never even bothered to tell me anything. And to top it up, she was the one who gave the idea for Santana to leave me. But it was still Santana's choice to go; it was her choice to leave me, to go to back to Lima for a week, which extended to weeks, which turned out to be indefinite. Mom's just doing what she thought was right, Santana had been intoxicated in our relationship, and she needed space, she needed some freedom. For the past weeks, Santana had been talking to mom and stopped 3 days ago meaning, Santana decided to move on and never come back.  _Fuck, I'm overthinking again!_

_**Despair after despair** _

_As we grow older each day, we lose thing we have, more so, we loss people we love. Sometimes it would be a pinch in the heart, lovers goes their separate ways, but most teenagers feel its breaking the heart; but when we really look in a bigger perspective it's only a pinch because there is more heart shattering situation that comes our way. Like people we love die without saying goodbye, what's worst is you haven't move on with a loss and here comes another._

I woke up the next day feeling lightheaded, Mom thinks she's no longer in Lima, so where the hell was she? Was she back in New York? I would have atleast know if she was back, but there was nothing. If she's not in Lima and she's not here in New York, I can only think of one place she could be and that's California. And if she's in California, she's with Brittany.

The thought of Santana seeking comfort in Brittany made my stomach drop, but before I make any conclusion I dialled Brittany's number.

"Is she with you?" I asked right after she answered the phone, I didn't want to beat around the bush.

"Not yet, but I'm on my way to Lima, see you there Q." She replied with a sad voice which made me confuse.

"What? I'm not going to Lima Britt." I know Brittany can be weird at times, but I didn't really get what she's talking about.

"Don't tell me you don't know yet? I really got to go, I need something's to do before I catch a plane, and I'll be there as fast as I can. I promise!"

"What going on?" I asked with a panic voice, but then I realized Brittany already end the call and I was just talking to myself. Did something happen with Santana? I walked out my room and asked mom if she already had news about Santana, but I found her crying on the dining table. I rushed by her side.

"Mom, what's going on?" I repeated my unanswered question. Mom just cried louder, for a moment and I didn't hear anything but the loud pounding of my heart. "Mom." I shook her to get an answer.

"Sweetie." There it was again that pet name I hated so much. "He's gone." Then she hugged me so tight, she was clinging on to me like her life depended on it.

"He?" There were these pieces of puzzle in my mind that don't fit with together, nothing was making sense.

"Russell, he's gone."

Dad died from a sudden cardiac arrest, he was in a restaurant when he suffered the heart attack, they brought him in the hospital but unfortunately he didn't make it, they declared him dead on arrival. Frannie was the first member of the family to arrive; someone called her and told he about the sad news. She arranged everything first, from the internment date, to some funeral services and every single detail of dad's wake before telling mom about the bad news. She wanted everything to be ready first, before calling mom which I was quite thankful because I don't think mom can handle things at the moment.

When our friends found out about the news, they tried to clear their schedule to go home with us to Lima. It was Tina, Blaine and Puck who accompanied us from New York to Ohio, Rachel and Kurt was a little busy but promised to be there on dad's funeral.

When we arrive at the Ohio, Finn was already waiting to pick us up from Dayton International Airlines, he gave us all a quick hug and ushered us to his car. I was hoping to see a brunette waiting for me when I got home, but I guess my expectations was too high.

The ride home was as silent when we were on the plane, no one engaged in small talks, there was only silence and I was thankful for that. Blaine never left my side the moment he found out about what happened, he was the shoulder I've been literally clinging and crying on to, Puck gave the same service to my mother, while Tina holds my hands for comfort. Though I know Tina and Blaine haven't forgotten what I did to Santana, they put their feelings aside for a moment, and decided to be at my side and give me comfort.

Dad's dead, it was just so sad that we never had a chance to reconcile our differences. I never really get to meet the real Russell Fabray, he was so concealed that he did not let anyone go through his walls. He was an unreachable person always guarded, but still the person I love and hate at the same time.

We parked at our driveway after an hour, Puck led mom inside the house, Finn carried all our stuff, while Blaine and Tina sandwiched me in the middle of the back seat not moving.

"We're going back to McKinley." It was the only thing Tina said. I didn't question them; I just answered them with a shrug. When Puck and Finn came back in the car they both gave me a tight lip smile.

We were in the hall of McKinley High School, the hall I used to rule, the place I used to walk through, the place I called mine. But after so many years, McKinley even Lima doesn't give any feeling of familiarity anymore, it doesn't feel like home. I felt like a stranger in the place I called mine and it was so unreal. The group dragged me to the auditorium, I thought our first stop would be the choir room but we just passed the place. When we were getting near the auditorium, I already heard a guitar playing, ofcourse Finn Hudson, the director of Glee Club would talk to his members and organize something like this; his members would sing something to cheer me up even though I bet no one knows me. When the auditorium door opened I was welcome by familiar faces, Brittany flung her arms around me once she saw me, Mercedes, and Mike gave me a hug after Britt. Then I heard her voice.

_I guess now it's time for me to give up_ __  
_I feel it's time_ __  
_Got a picture of you beside me_ __  
_Got you're lipstick mark still on your coffee cup_ __  
_Got a fist of pure emotion_ __  
_Got a head of shattered dreams_ _  
_ _Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now_

There she was sitting in the middle of the stage strumming the guitar, the voice I've wanted to hear, and the face I've longed to see for a month.

_Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it_ __  
_I just want you back for good_ __  
_Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it_ _  
_ _You'll be right and understood_

Seeing Santana just took my breath away, I wanted to run to her and just hug her but my shaky knees only provided me slow steps toward her.

_And we'll be together, this time is forever_ __  
_We'll be fighting and forever we will be_ __  
_So complete in our love_ _  
_ _We will never be uncovered again_

Her eyes were on the strings she was strumming, she didn't look up but I knew that she knew I was there walking towards her.

_Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it_ __  
_I just want you back for good_ __  
_Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it_ _  
_ _You'll be right and understood_

When I was infront of her she looked down to me and gave a quick smile, I didn't realize that my tears were already streaming down my face. She put the guitar down and jumped infront of me after the song. She was looking down, with a shy look.

"Q." she started scratching her head, and then she looked up to me.

"Come here, baby" I opened up my arms to welcome her, she moved and closed the distance between us in an embrace. The touch of her skin was like drinking water after a day of thirst, it was refreshing, invigorating; it was like my body was dead and alive again, it was like a switched was turned on and everything seemed to light up. The sadness was gone in an instant, there was no longer longing, I was home because she was my home. I pulled away and looked at her brown eyes which I missed staring at.  _"_ I guess now it's time that you came back for good _"_ I said before I leaned in for a kiss.


	18. You're My Kryptonite

**Quinn's POV**

"I'm sorry." I said with teary eyes after we pulled away from the kiss. Santana looked into my eyes and sighed.

"Let's not talk about it here." She gave me a tight-lipped smile. "I'll take you home." The group gave me their hugs and bid us farewell. Santana dragged me out of the auditorium, as we walked to the halls of McKinley hand in hand and it gave me a complete 180 degrees of what I felt when I entered. I realized that it wasn't the cheerios and people I ruled that I soar along the halls of McKinley with pride, it wasn't Coach Sue Sylvester that gave me a power that made me invincible, it wasn't the A's I got in 4 years at McKinley that made me walked the halls with my head held high. But it was because there was Santana who stood by me all throughout everything, she was that one person who never left my side when all other turned their back on me, she was that one person who whispered words of encouragements in my ears and told me not to be intimidated of the look people were throwing at me just because I made a mistake. She may have had Brittany at some point, but she never left my side, she was always there for me when I needed her, it was always been me and Santana all along.

She dragged me to the parking lot where she parked a very familiar car she used to drive, I smiled at the memories we had using that car.

"So I see, you and Charlie are back together." I said eyeing Charlie, her father's old Chevy.

"Dad doesn't want me to drive him anymore, he said Charlie will be vintage soon and he needs to be taken care of, but today is a special day so he let me drive Charlie just for today." She explained.

"So, where to?"

"Your place, I'm sure you're tired and I have some explaining to do."

"We both do." I tentatively said while we both climbed in the car.

* * *

We parked at our driveway after a few minutes, the whole ride was silent, Santana would just glance my way every now and then smiling shyly everytime I caught her staring, it was kinda cute seeing a shy Santana. I knew she was thinking of ways how to start our conversation later.

"Are we not going out yet?" I asked after a minute had passed and she seemed to be glued on her seat.

"I have a favor to ask." She said, a mischievous smile forming on her lips making me raised my eyebrows.

"What?"

"You see, this has been a dream of mine ever since we started dating." She stopped smiling shyly again while rubbing her palm on her face. I was confused as to where our conversation was heading, but I patiently waited for her because it was on few occasions that I get to see an adorable side of my girlfriend. "I dream of you in your cheerios uniform making out with me, on your driveway, in this car." She bit her lips before continuing. "So, I know you're not in your cheerios uniform, but we can make do with that sundress of yours, care to turn my dreams into reality?"

"A dream of yours huh?"

"Come here." She tapped her lap shyly; I smiled at how she was acting. I climbed at her lap and straddle her. I must admit it was a little exciting, it was so high school. Singing at me at the auditorium, walking hand in hand at the halls of McKinley, and making out in the car, it was all so romantic and so cheesy; it was like life telling me that we should have done those things long ago. We should have been together long time ago.

"When did you become cute and adorable?" I asked grinning at her, she looked at me horrendously

"Hey, that's offensive! I am neither cute nor adorable!"

"Well you are now." I bantered playfully.

"Shut up and kiss me!" With that she wrapped her arms around my waist and I leaned down to kiss her my hands on both of her shoulder. The kiss was rushed and sloppy, we were both eager to taste each other, and feel each other, to make up for the lost time. We gripped each other tightly, our tongue battled for dominance until Santana loosened her arms from my waist and scratched my outer thigh and stopped at my ass, she then cupped my behind and squeezed it, that was when I lost my senses and moaned, she took the opportunity to go further and shove her tongue inside my mouth. She won. I hate and love that she knew my body too much. She knew where to touch when she just wanted to tease me and beg her more, she knew how to make me writhe just with a touch, she knew how to take away all the emptiness inside and fill me in with too much emotion with just a kiss. She's my kryptonite. We pulled away when we heard a knock on the window, we were both panting and I immediately moved back to the passenger seat, then my eyes diverted to the person outside.

"Oh my god t's Frannie! Charlie is heavily tinted right?"

"Yes, he is." She answered still breathing heavily. Frannie knocked again impatiently.

"What the fuck does she want?" I asked irritatingly, Santana hushed me and then leaned in to peck my lips. "I'll explain later." She said before she rolled down the window. Frannie docked down a little and glared at Santana.

"Where were you? Are you done with the list I gave you?" She asked Santana which made me knit my eyebrows in confusion.

"All done, I just went to McKinley for a while." Santana replied tilting her head towards me. Frannie then shifted her eyes from Santana to me, her eyes widened.

"Hey Quinnie! I didn't know you two will be meeting today." My sister greeted me with a smile. I nodded back at her direction not knowing what to say. "Well, I need to run some errand, Santana, I still have a list of people you need to call it's on the fridge."

"Yes ma'am!" Santana saluted playfully to my sister and Frannie muttered  _silly_ then walked away. I was watching the whole interaction and I felt out of place, it felt that Santana had some bond with my sister that I didn't know. I was suddenly jealous of how playful they were when I remembered that Frannie and Santana don't get along well when were kids.

"So, I guess we need to talk now." She sighed when we're alone in the car again.

"Let's go inside." I commanded, and I went out the car without waiting for her answer. How did Frannie and Santana become close? What did happen when Santana went back to Ohio? I walked inside the house with Santana following my suit. Mom was on the couch holding my 2 year old niece, Luanne. Mom smiled knowingly when she saw Santana and me together. Luanne was just looking at me like I was an interesting object, but when she looked at Santana her face lightened up with recognition and started squirming on mom's hold. Santana immediately went to pick her up and started blowing raspberry kiss on my niece's belly which made her giggle. Again the interaction confused me, looked like Santana was very much acquainted with my family, something I was not aware of.

"Look who's here baby lulu, its auntie Quinnie!" Santana cooed Luanne, but my niece just held her tighter and looked at me like she was judging me.

"She doesn't like me."

"You're just a new face, she'll warm up eventually." Santana explained

"The talk." I reminded.

"Right." She bobbed her head and gave Luanne to mom. "We'll just be upstairs when you need us." Santana excused us and we walked upstairs to my room together.

"So where do you want me to start?" Santana asked after we entered the room and sat on my bed.

"I just want you to answer my questions, let's start on why did I not hear from you for a month? I mean, I know I hurt your feelings, but a month of not hearing from you is a real torture. I think not calling me for a month was unfair."

"I know and I'm sorry!"

"Just sorryand no explanations?" I asked incredulously.

"I really don't know where to start this." She sighed. "Okay let me just start on Frannie arriving back here at Lima."

"What does this have to do with Frannie?"

"Just hear me out first." She rubbed her face with her palm obviously frustrated. "Frannie arrived a few days after me, her fucking husband decided to practice his boxing skills and made your sister as his punching bag. Frannie runaway after his husband, Jimmy, beaten her up and went straight here to Lima, but your mother was in New York and Judy was really worried so she asked me if I can help them up, so I did. I was the one who told Judy not to tell you on what's happening to Frannie because you have a lot on your plate at the moment and I promised her that I will take care of Frannie and Luanne." She stopped for a moment to gauge my emotions; I bobbed my head at her to gesture for her to continue. "We didn't stay here at Lima, we were on the road around Ohio for weeks, Frannie filed a case against Jimmy, but the police couldn't find the douche bag because he was hiding. Frannie doesn't feel safe here at Lima, that's why we move from town to town. I was calling your mom every single day, updating her of what's happening to us."

"Mom said you stopped calling her 3 or 4 days ago. What happened?"

"Russell happened." She shrugged. "Frannie's husband cornered him at a restaurant and started harassing Russell to tell him where his wife and daughter were hiding, they got into a heated confrontation and Russell's heart didn't made it he collapsed infront of Jimmy, but that asshole just fled from the scene and didn't even helped your father, good thing a bystander called the police and they caught him that same day. They called Frannie that they finally caught Jimmy and about the incident that happened in the restaurant and that Russell did not make it alive." There was a lot of information to take in, mom must be worried on what's happening with Frannie and she just kept it to herself because I was sulking in New York.

"You still didn't answer the question, why did you stop calling?"

"Frannie felt guilty of what happened, we don't know how to tell you two that Russell's dead, Frannie blames herself. So we just decided not to call first and just arrange everything before we call you two up."

"Does mom know now how dad died?"

"Yes. I'm sorry!"

"Why are you sorry? I hurt you, but you did not hesitate to help my sister and niece, you even made sure they were taken care of. You've already explained and I understand."

"You're not mad?"

"I also need to ask forgiveness Tana, I'm sorry I hurt you, I guess we still have a lot to work out in this relationship."

"I guess you're right." She smiled at me genuinely. I yawned from exhaustion; it was a very long day. "Why don't you take a nap first and I'll just make a list of calls, I'll wake you up when dinner's ready."

"But I don't want you to go." I pouted.

"I'm not going anywhere baby."

"I miss you calling me baby."

"I miss you moaning out my name."

"That too!" I quirked my eyebrows, smiling. She moved a little closer to me and hugged me, while burying her face on my neck. "I miss you." I told her while rubbing her back. "I miss you so much." She mumbled on my neck. Her hot breath on my neck made me shiver. "I miss your distinct Lavender scent I smell everytime I kiss your neck." She sucked my neck and I threw my head back in pleasure. "I miss how you let out a shaky breath everytime I do this." She licked the shell of my ears which I indeed let out shaky breath. She unzipped my sundress, pulled it over my head and threw it on the floor. She pushed me down on the bed, making me lie on my back. She looked at me with lust while she licked her lips. "I miss your gorgeous body." She stood up and stripped her clothes leaving her on her underwear before she joined me in bed. She straddled me and kissed me ferociously. "I miss the sweet taste of your lips." She said after the kiss and before she went down and kissed my collarbone.

"Fuck." I cried out in pleasure when I felt her teeth nipping my skin.

"I miss how impatient you are!" she pulled away and winked at me before continuing her interrupted task. She took her time to devour my body, her hands was everywhere, burning me.

"Santana, please no more teasing!" I pleaded, I was so wet, and I was craving for more, I needed her to end my agony. She didn't reply with that she just took off the remains of my clothing and started to consume me. We made love for hours, we were making up on lost time, compensating on moments that should have been shared together. I have her back and I couldn't ask for anything more.

"I love you." I said sleepily after she crashed down beside me in exhaustion.

"I miss how you say you love me after an amazing sex." She said giggling. "I love you too."


End file.
